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How do I trust God in the Middle of a Season of Loss? Psalm 74

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

Have you ever seen a church building repurposed as a new business, restaurant, or bar? I have seen this many times while visiting family and traveling in Europe. One church I remember had gorgeous stained-glass windows but was converted into an Indian restaurant. I found it strangely unsettling, and loss is firmly attached to it in my mind.

There is a special rite or service within Anglicanism known as The De-Consecration of a Sacred Space. The liturgy is designed to make room for lament for those who experienced some of the most joyful moments in their lives inside the walls of that church. A wedding day, a child’s baptism, or a loved one’s memorial service becomes tied to those sacred spaces in our hearts and minds. Recently, a pastor told me of an unfortunate situation in the Austin area. When a nearby church’s attendance dwindled, the denomination closed the church building. Next, families who had placed their loved ones in the church’s columbarium were contacted. The families were asked to come and pick up their loved one’s cremated remains. His church was in a growth cycle and recently built a new columbarium. They began receiving regular requests to purchase niches for these homeless remains.

In Psalm 74, the worship leader cries out to God on behalf of an entire congregation in lament over the destruction of their sanctuary. While most church-going Americans have never experienced the tragedy of having a foreign power destroy their church, some know a fair bit about church splits and church attendance decline. While I realize some churches might be building bigger buildings and moving to new spaces, that is not always the case. Like divorce, church splits and dwindling attendance create financial havoc and loss.

A Cry for Help

1 O God, why do you cast us off forever? Why does your anger smoke against the sheep of your pasture?
2 Remember your congregation, which you have purchased of old, which you have redeemed to be the tribe of your heritage! Remember Mount Zion, where you have dwelt.
3 Direct your steps to the perpetual ruins; the enemy has destroyed everything in the sanctuary!
(Psalm 74:1-3 ESV)
  • Does God need me to remind Him?
  • Does God need me to direct Him?
  • Does God need to hear my status update?

No

When faced with loss, I feel compelled to line it out for God as if it might have escaped his notice. The truth is that God knows all about my losses. He knows what I lost before, and He even knows what I will lose in the future.

A List of Violations

4 Your foes have roared in the midst of your meeting place; they set up their own signs for signs.
5 They were like those who swing axes in a forest of trees. 
6 And all its carved wood they broke down with hatchets and hammers.
7 They set your sanctuary on fire; they profaned the dwelling place of your name,
    bringing it down to the ground. 
8 They said to themselves, “We will utterly subdue them”; they burned all the meeting places of God in the land.
9 We do not see our signs; there is no longer any prophet, and there is none among us who knows how long.
(Psalm 74:4-9 ESV)

Losing a place of worship strikes at the heart of a community. Destroying beautiful things like art, worship spaces, or rare books feels deeply personal. In this psalm, the author writes about the additional loss of a prophet. Prophets serve a community by providing wise guidance. They speak the truth and call a people group to the next steps in the restoration process.

In times of disorientation, seeking a spiritual guide gives necessary support. Ask the Lord to provide a pastor or mentor for you.

When and Why Response

10 How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever?
11 Why do you hold back your hand, your right hand? Take it from the fold of your garment and destroy them! 
(Psalm 74:10-11 ESV)

Sooner or later, I always arrive with God at the “when and why moment.” I want to know the timeline because it might give me an illusion of control. If I only knew when this would be over and the restoration would come, I could deal with this. These are the lies I tell myself.

I also want to know why, and I have even fallen into the trap of assigning motives to other people’s actions, which leads to more offense on my part.

Releasing my need to have every question answered might be the best pathway to healing after a loss.

But God

12 Yet God my King is from of old, working salvation in the midst of the earth.
(Psalm 74:12 ESV)

A turn in the lament occurs at this halfway point in Psalm 74. God works “in the midst of the earth” amid loss and tragedy.

I must choose to take this turn to reorient my perspective. Recently, a friend of mine went through a particularly dark and painful season. She chose daily to ask the Lord to show her himself in the middle of the loss and the pain. Slowly, she began to see a flickering candle of God’s presence. She kept a journal and noted each point of light along her journey. Four years later, she has a powerful testimony of seeing God’s presence in one of the hardest seasons of her life.

Prayer

Lord,

Please help me trust amid loss, allow me to release my need to know it all, and help me see you working each day. In Jesus’s name, amen.  

Church Hurts – Psalm 55a

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments

Church hurts from bad religion are accompanied by a profound sense of loss. They hurt more than most of life’s other hurts. They sometimes feel on par with divorce or even death. I know for me, church hurts were personal, deeply internal, at the core of my soul. Bad religion is confusing, depressing, and side-lining. I sometimes wondered if I could survive the church.

Bishop Todd Hunter, What Jesus Intended: Finding True Faith in the Rubble of Bad Religion
 

Surviving the Church

Many have wondered if we would survive the church. Hearing about church hurt is something relatively common for me.  As a women’s ministry leader and part of a church plant team, I have no doubt that I have failed and inflicted pain on others in the church at different points. As broken human beings, we wound each other.

In Psalm 55, David laments his church wounding.

1 Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!
2 Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan,
3 because of the noise of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked. For they drop trouble upon me, and in anger they bear a grudge against me.
Psalm 55:1-3 ESV

David begs to be heard. It is a basic need of all humans to be seen and heard.

Why can’t we be heard?

The noise of the enemy isolates David and causes him to feel unheard. Why can’t we be heard? The soundtrack of our lives grows in volume every year. Thanks to cell phones, access to audio input has never been so easy. The enemy of our soul drowns out the hope-filled messages of Jesus with accusations, condemnations, and declarations of disaster.

Despite how it may feel, the enemy of my soul is Satan and not the one who hurt me in the church. Satan bears a grudge against me because I am a follower of Jesus. He tempts me to pick up an offense and cultivate heavy grudges. When grudges weigh me down, it becomes harder to receive grace.

Fear and Anxiety

4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5 Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me.
6 And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest;
7 yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah
8 I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.”
(Psalm 55:4-8 ESV)

In a season of deep wounding, fear and anxiety may overwhelm me and begin to manifest as physical symptoms. All of that cortisol cascading through my system takes its toll. I may need to make use of tools to reduce anxiety.

Sometimes, like David, my response to emotional pain is exhaustion. Those are times when I may need to step away and rest with the Lord. It is far too easy to ignore the warnings that I need soul rest and keep running until I am exhausted. Then the appeal of unhealthy escapism grows exponentially.

Captive

9 Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues; for I see violence and strife in the city.
10 Day and night they go around it on its walls, and iniquity and trouble are within it;
11 ruin is in its midst; oppression and fraud do not depart from its marketplace.
(Psalm 55:9-11 ESV)

David’s request to divide his enemies’ tongues seeks to prevent them from sharing information and working together. David felt ganged up on.

Satan, the enemy of my soul, often uses that feeling of being “talked about” or “left out of the conversation” to discourage me. God can and will divide those tongues if needed and stop damaging communication. (See the story of the Tower of Babel to learn more.)

David also feels physically surrounded. The enemy has climbed the walls and sat atop them and taunted him. The city walls, designed to protect him, have become a pathway for evil.

Am I trying to build walls for protection? Or am I seeking my only true refuge and protection, the Lord’s presence? Wall-making apart from the Lord might backfire.

Betrayal

12 For it is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him.
13 But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend.
14 We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.
15 Let death steal over them; let them go down to Sheol alive; for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart.
(Psalm 55:12-15 ESV)

People will hurt us and let us down, but those we held close, trusted, and opened our hearts to have the ability to wound us more profoundly than almost anyone.

There is no hurt like church hurt. This is, of course, all part of Satan’s plan. I see how well it works to keep Jesus’s people divided, conquered, and far away from fellowship. The very place they might receive healing.

Jesus was deeply aware of church hurt. He experienced the betrayal of one of his own disciples. Judas had been part of the small group of Jesus’s closest friends. Judas had been praying with Jesus, sharing meals with Jesus, and attending all of Jesus’s teaching sessions. Suddenly, and without warning, he veered off into greed and betrayal. The consequences were deadly.

 

Prayer to Heal from Church Hurt

Jesus, I know that you know what it is to be hurt by those I held so close. Help to heal me and help me avoid the trap of bitterness, isolation, and/or falling away from being part of the body you call me to. Restore my heart and my faith that I might walk in freedom and fellowship. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Declaration and Deliverance – Psalm 54

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

Social media gives me access to curated images of other people’s lives. I can catch glimpses of their parties, travels, families, and perfectly arranged homes. Taken out of context, these skewed insights can begin to fan the flames of envy and jealousy in my life. Envy is the first step to feeling justified in wanting what someone else has. Envy gives birth to jealousy, a drive to take away what someone else has. These sins build upon themselves and lead to destruction.

Envy and jealousy grow in the incubator of dissatisfaction and perceived unfairness. Ultimately, it’s the lie we can choose to believe that God is keeping a good gift from us. He’s holding back what is rightfully ours. This goes back to that apple in the Garden of Eden.

King Saul did not have access to social media but somehow became insanely jealous of David. He observed David’s success, influence, and leadership abilities, and rather than being grateful to have someone so talented on his team, he sought to kill David.

In Psalm 54, David cries out to God with a desperate request for rescue.

Save Me

1O God, save me by your name, and vindicate me by your might.
2 O God, hear my prayer; give ear to the words of my mouth.
3 For strangers have risen against me; ruthless men seek my life; they do not set God before themselves. Selah
(Psalm 54:1-3 ESV)

In verse 1, David calls on God for victory based on God’s reputation and His might. He then begs God to listen and hear him. He explains what he is dealing with, ruthless men who seek his life. These men blindly follow Saul’s demands and do not seek the Lord’s guidance. He is not before them.

Praise and Thanksgiving

4 Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.
5 He will return the evil to my enemies; in your faithfulness put an end to them.
6 With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to you; I will give thanks to your name, O LORD, for it is good.
(Psalm 54:4-6 ESV)

After making an explicit request, David ceases to beg. He now switches his focus to thanksgiving and praise.

David praises God as his helper, an upholder of life, a returner of evil, faithful, and the one who can end these enemies once and for all.

Declaration

7 For he has delivered me from every trouble, and my eye has looked in triumph on my enemies. (Psalm 54:7 ESV)

David completes his prayer with a declaration of absolute confidence in God. He declares God’s victory over the enemies even amid the battle. This battle is not over, but David stands confidently under God’s protective hand. This victorious statement points to Jesus’ ultimate victory over all sin.

  • What kind of deliverance do you need this season in your life?
  • Has envy and jealousy taken up residence in your own heart?
  • Does it lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and fear of missing out?
  • Or are you being chased by fear or anxiety?
  • Where and when can you declare victory over these enemies of our souls based on the one who fights for you?

Prayer

Lord, You are my deliverer.

You see my struggles.

You see my enemies.

You will put them to an end in Your perfect way and in Your perfect timing. You are always worthy of my trust. Please guard my heart against the influence of envy and jealousy. Thank you, in Jesus’ mighty and victorious name, AMEN.

Can I Stand in Palm Sunday Promises? Psalm 116

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment
(A hand holding up a palm frond.)

Palm Sunday marks the first day of Holy Week for believers worldwide. Jesus began his journey to the cross with a triumphal parade through Jerusalem. As crowds joyfully mobbed Him, Jesus never lost focus on his priorities. Instead, he made provision for his disciples and invited them to participate with him in his final days on Earth by delegating jobs to them.  

Earlier that day, He asked two disciples to secure transportation for Him.  

"Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. 3 If anyone asks you, 'Why are you doing this?' say, 'The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.'"  (Mark 11:2-3 NIV)

He asked disciples to make dinner reservations for their group.  

"Go into the city, and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him. 14 Say to the owner of the house he enters, 'The Teacher asks: Where is my guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?' 15 He will show you a large room upstairs, furnished and ready. Make preparations for us there." (Mark 14:13-15 NIV).

He wanted to have everyone together one last time before He would have to depart. So, even in His final days of ministry on Earth, Jesus sought to gather and include. He did not want anyone to miss His final teachings.   

Those who laid down palm fronds and his dinner guests must have believed this was the beginning of the new Messiah’s rule. Finally, the Jewish people were ready to throw off the oppression of Roman rule. How quickly the tone would change from celebration to despair! The cheering crowd would become an angry mob. 

Moments later, hard truths were spoken while breaking bread, and the subsequent few days’ events took a decidedly downhill turn. First, Jesus prayed blood-perspiring prayers alone in the garden. Next, his disciples failed to stay watchful and pray with Him. Then a close friend betrayed Him, and Jesus’ arrest caused even the most loyal followers to lose heart.  

Psalm 116 was written by a psalmist, perhaps King David, recalling God’s mercy and grace. What if this psalm could be re-read from the perspective of Jesus on His way to his Good Friday Execution? On Palm Sunday, Jesus could see what lay before Him and exactly how costly it would be. And yet he made the journey anyway, and every stop along the way was intentional.  

Psalm 116  

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  

2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. 
Psalm 116:1-2 NIV

Jesus began his march to the cross motivated by love. Like the psalmist, he was in constant communication with God. Praying at every point along his journey, He was in an ongoing conversation with His Heavenly Father. One of the last things He did before he died was to cry out to God from the cross and beg for mercy for those who persecuted him.  

At every step of Jesus’ journey to the cross, He cries out to God. If only I could pray every time, I find myself hurt, frustrated, or fearful?  

3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow.  (Psalm 116:3 NIV)

Sitting upon the donkey on Palm Sunday, Jesus could see the long road of anguish and suffering rolling out before him. He knew it all. From the street lined with adoring fans and palm branches to the lonely and humiliating walk to the cross, Jesus never gave up. He chose not to be overcome. Instead, when his physical suffering was extreme, he turned his attention to the needs of others.  

"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing." (Luke 13:34 NIV) 


4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: "Lord, save me!"  (Psalm 116: 4 NIV)

From the garden of Gethsemane, “He (Jesus) withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed…” (Luke 22:41 NIV) 

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. (Psalm 116:5 NIV)

Out of compassion, the Lord chose to allow His son to die so that I could live eternally. Jesus knew that God will always be both gracious and righteous. God’s grace made a way to meet the standard of righteousness through the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus’ death on the cross.

6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. (Psalm 116:6 NIV)

Who are the unwary?  

The people throwing down palm branches on Palm Sunday would be the same people crying out for Jesus’ crucifixion. Suspended in agony on the cross, Jesus again cried out on their behalf. 

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:33-34 NIV) 

Even in torture and humiliation, Jesus continued to intervene for the people who stood around, unaware of the impact of what they were doing. Some of them were even taunting Him.  

How often am I deeply hurt or frustrated by unwary people? Can I choose today to follow Jesus’ example and cry out to God and not complain? 

7 Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. 

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 
9 that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. 
(Psalm 116: 7-19 NIV)

Jesus had no rest, plenty of reasons to cry, and would even stumble as he carried his cross to his crucifixion. And yet, He never lost sight of the goodness of God. As a result, Jesus was delivered from death when He rose again on Easter Sunday.  

His death allows believers to walk in the land of the living before the Lord. Jesus gave us access to a relationship with our heavenly Father.  

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said, "I am greatly afflicted"; (Psalm 116:10 NIV)

Jesus began a journey on Palm Sunday that would end in tremendous affliction, and He knew what He would face. He did so with grace and dignity as He trusted in the Lord.  

How often do my doubts torture me on top of any afflictions I might suffer? Lord, help me to pour out those doubts to you. Help me trust you to give me strength for any temporary affliction I might suffer this side of Heaven.  

11 in my alarm I said, "Everyone is a liar." (Psalm 116:11 NIV)

During Holy Week, Jesus dealt with false accusations and those who testified against Him during his two trials with religious leaders and the Roman authorities. However, even these lies could not prevent God’s will from being done.   

12 What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me? 

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.  (Psalm 116:12-13 NIV)

When I spend time during Holy Week considering all that God has done for me as a lowly sinner, I realize I can never repay the debt I owe. Jesus drank from the cup of death for me so that I could drink from the cup of salvation forever. Help me cultivate an attitude of thanksgiving for all the Lord has done for me.  

14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. 

15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. (Psalm 116:14-15 NIV)

Jesus’ slow and methodical march to the cross had to be a public display. So, what began as a procession before all Jews and the Roman oppressors ended in a public crucifixion.  All those witnesses allowed more people to see and know.  
Jesus, the ultimate faithful servant, was precious in the sight of God and set the ultimate example of surrendered obedience.   

16 Truly I am your servant, Lord; I serve you just as my mother did; you have freed me from my chains. 

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. (Psalm 116:16-17 NIV)

Jesus knew the pain his mother would suffer because of how He would die. So, he provided for her by giving her care over to his disciple John at the foot of the cross. He remembered how His mother had served God as a young pregnant woman when an angel first told her about Jesus. She trusted God completely when nothing seemed to be working out. She would continue to trust God even in the face of almost unbearable grief as she watched her son die.  

Jesus became the ultimate thank offering. His death paid for all of our sins once and for all.  

18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, 
19 in the courts of the house of the Lord—in your midst, Jerusalem. 

Praise the Lord. (Psalm 116:18-19 NIV)

The path Jesus traveled on Palm Sunday and all the way to the cross was done in the presence of all of God’s people and in the middle of Jerusalem. Therefore, his death and resurrection needed to be witnessed by enough people to be provable in a court of law.  

All Jesus did during Holy Week was to glorify God and bring about reconciliation for every believer. These final days of Jesus’ ministry here on Earth were marked with sorrow and suffering. These were the days in between the celebration of Palm Sunday and the joy of the Resurrection commemorated on Easter. 

As a follower of Jesus, I live life every day on Earth between the promise of Palm Sunday and the hope of the Resurrection Sunday. I see sin and suffering all around me, and yet I can follow Jesus’ example of faithfulness in the midst of pain. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross, I have a reconciled relationship with the Lord. I can pray and He hears me. The hope of the Resurrection points to the ultimate restoration. Someday, but not just yet, every eye will see and every knee will bow.  

On Palm Sunday, we catch a glimpse of the coming King Jesus who will rule forever. Watch for Him with me this Holy Week.

Leaving and Lament: Psalm 17

/ Anthea Kotlan / 3 Comments
(A woman is seated with her head bowed down.)
1 Hear me, Lord, my plea is just; listen to my cry.
Hear my prayer—it does not rise from deceitful lips.
2 Let my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right.
Psalm 17:1-2 NIV







3 Though you probe my heart, though you examine me at night and test me, you will find that I have planned no evil; my mouth has not transgressed.
4 Though people tried to bribe me, I have kept myself from the ways of the violent through what your lips have commanded.
5 My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not stumbled.
Psalm 17:3-5 NIV
6 I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
7 Show me the wonders of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes.
8 Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings
9 from the wicked who are out to destroy me, from my mortal enemies who surround me.
Psalm 17:6-9 NIV


10 They close up their callous hearts, and their mouths speak with arrogance.
11 They have tracked me down, they now surround me, with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground.
12 They are like a lion hungry for prey, like a fierce lion crouching in cover.
13 Rise up, Lord, confront them, bring them down; with your sword rescue me from the wicked.
14 By your hand save me from such people, Lord, from those of this world whose reward is in this life. May what you have stored up for the wicked fill their bellies; may their children gorge themselves on it, and may there be leftovers for their little ones.
15 As for me, I will be vindicated and will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
Psalm 17:10-15 NIV

Is There an Antidote for Envy? Psalm 73

/ Anthea Kotlan / 3 Comments
(woman scrolling on her phone)

Warning! Continuous scrolling on social media may cause soul damage.

Have you ever started your day by scrolling through social media while sipping coffee on the couch?

Checking out a few curated images on Instagram?

Reading personal opinions on Twitter?

Looking for recipes on Pinterest?

Checking out status updates on Facebook?

I may have a time or two or three or maybe more. But, typically, I walk away from these sessions feeling considerably deficient in my ability to “live my best life.” Social media is a fantastic tool that can be used in wonderful ways, but there is nothing quite like it to encourage envy.

In Psalm 73, the psalmist shares wisdom about the corrosive effect of envy on my relationship with God and others.  

1 Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.

2 But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped.

3 For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Psalm 73:1-3 ESV

The dictionary defines envy, “to feel unhappiness over the good fortune of (someone) and desire the same good fortune: feel envy toward or because of, I envy you for your talent.” (Merriam-Webster)

How does envy affect my heart and soul?

It leads to:

  • Dissatisfaction
  • Distraction
  • Disaster

What is the antidote for envy?

First, the psalmist lists in detail what is wrong with those he envies.

4 For they have no pangs until death; their bodies are fat and sleek.

5 They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.

6 Therefore pride is their necklace; violence covers them as a garment.

7 Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies.

8 They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression.

9 They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth.

10 Therefore his people turn back to them, and find no fault in them.

Psalm 73: 4-10 ESV

I really like this method myself as it creates comfortable distance.

Those people over there are wrong in every possible way. So even though I envy them, they are so much worse than me.

However, this does nothing to counteract envy effectively.

11 And they say, “How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?”

12 Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches.

13 All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence.

14 For all the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning.

Psalm 73:11-14 ESV

Dissatisfaction

Judging those I envy continues to fill the well of deep and disturbing dissatisfaction with my life, and guilt hangs over me all day and night. Using this method is like using one sin to cover another. Holy Spirit conviction hounds me at every turn. This judging method fails me. So, what can I do?

15 If I had said, “I will speak thus,” I would have betrayed the generation of your children.

16 But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task,

17 until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end.

18 Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin.

19 How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!

20 Like a dream when one awakes, O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.

Psalm 73:15-20 ESV

Distraction

To continue carrying envy in my heart will lead to exhaustion (vs 16). Moreover, the corrosive nature of envy affects my children and will be passed down as a toxic inheritance. This will keep me in a constant state of distraction away from what is giving me life.

Where should I focus most of my attention? Where can I go to find peace?

Finally, in desperation, the psalmist “went to the sanctuary of God.” In God’s presence, things become so much clearer. Waking up from envy is like putting down a heavy load I didn’t even realize I was carrying. However, I will need to do more to avoid picking the weight back up. The world pushes me every day to compare and contrast my life to what I believe I see around me through the lens of social media platforms. However, those images are highly curated and not accurately depict real life.

What does a person look like that has become consumed by envy?

21 When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart,

22 I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.

(Psalm 73:21-11 ESV)

Disaster

The disaster is how envy affects my relationship with God. The psalmist readily admits he has become ignorant, brutish, and a beast. I know I have felt this way too. A low-key irritation mushrooms inside my heart and becomes a mine of bitterness. Just when I might feel utterly discouraged, God shares wisdom and an escape plan to find a way out of this trap. The following verses reveal how God responds to me when I seek to be near Him.

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

28 But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

Pslam 73:23-28 ESV

Deliverance

God offers me deliverance when I make Him my home. I can counteract the destructive force of comparison culture and envy by spending time with Him. He’s the only truly effective antidote. If I spent as many minutes in God’s word as I do scrolling social media, I would likely live in a state of awe and gratitude. God is always present with me if I only open my eyes to Him. He will provide trustworthy guidance and advice.

Sadly, I will fail (vs 26). However, God forgives and never leaves me. He is my accurate guide for life. The psalmist reminds me, “God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” When I focus on God’s promises to me, my cup truly overflows because my portion is more than enough.

What else could I possibly need or want?

How can I tend my soul this week to avoid envy?

Have You Seen the Kingdom of God? Psalm 97

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

The image of a candlelight service on New Year’s Eve of 1987 is forever emblazoned in my mind’s eye. This midnight service was the closing ceremony for Intervarsity’s five-day Missions Conference called Urbana. The stadium where we met was full of college students that evening, all joining their voices in praising God. The stadium lights were dimmed during the closing song, the instruments quieted, and about 18,701 other students and I sang acapella. Somehow at that moment, I caught a glimpse of the kingdom of Heaven breaking out here on earth just before midnight.

Minutes later, the sacred hush vanished as the house lights were raised. Students poured forth into that cold night focused on departure. Fetching bags from our dorms and trekking across the busy campus to various charter buses proved difficult. Suddenly suitcases tripled in weight, and long lines of students choked every pathway. If my then-boyfriend (and future husband) had not helped me that night, I would probably have missed my bus back to Texas.

Whenever we catch a glimpse of God’s kingdom, it can be disruptive to our routines, destructive to the status quo, and a disclosure that can’t be missed. As Christians, we are currently citizens of God’s kingdom. However, until Jesus returns to earth, we live in an in-between time of the now and not yet. God’s kingdom will not reach its full expression until Jesus comes back to reign.

The week between Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve can be a time for looking back over the previous year for evaluation and looking ahead to make resolutions for the coming year. It’s a season for looking back and ahead.

Psalm 97 celebrates the now of God’s rule and reign and the not yet of Jesus’ coming again to rule and reign forever. It is a portrait of hope writ large and designed to give each of us the stamina to go on in this topsy turvy season.

1 The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice; let the many coastlands be glad!
2 Clouds and thick darkness are all around him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.

The Lord reigns, and every person in every land can rejoice. The phrase “the many coastlands” refers to how writers of the Psalms often saw the twenty-one countries that surrounded the Mediterranean Sea as representative of the entire world. Whether each of those countries’ governments acknowledges God’s rule or not, He still reigns.

The future reign of the Lord will be disruptive because clouds and thick darkness like storms will swirl around Him. His future rule will disrupt the structures of injustice that exist today in our world. Corrupt institutions and a beyond capacity criminal justice system will all fade away when God sits on His final throne. He will serve as the judge once and for all and thoroughly know the truth in every person’s heart.

3 Fire goes before him and burns up his adversaries all around. 4 His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles. 5 The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

God’s reign will feature destruction as fire decimates God’s adversaries, and storms bring powerful lightning to illuminate wrongdoing. The whole earth will respond by trembling. The mountain ranges will fall into the sea like candle wax melting when faced with God’s powerful reign.

6 The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory. 7 All worshipers of images are put to shame, who make their boast in worthless idols; worship him, all you gods! 8 Zion hears and is glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoice, because of your judgments, O Lord. 9 For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. 10 O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

God’s wonders will be disclosed to every living creature. No one will miss God’s return. There will be no fear of being left behind or missing out on the Lord’s rule. It will be trumpeted over all the earth. Everyone who loves the Lord will be delivered from evil forever.

11 Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart. 12 Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!

Light and joy will be sown when the Lord returns to rule for eternity, and a harvest of revelation will be reaped for the upright and the righteous. Spontaneous worship will break out across the world. There will likely be a chorus of extraordinary acapella singing.

Take a moment in this in-between week to capture this vision of hope in your mind’s eye. It’s a radical, disruptive disclosure of God’s power, might, and mercy. Let that settle deep within your soul for whatever you face this week. Whether you are celebrating your year in review or hoping to see real change in 2022, know that despite what the latest headlines might tell you, God reigns.

Can You Keep Watch on Christmas Eve? Psalm 46

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment

Take a moment in the days leading up to Christmas to light a candle and pause. I know you don’t have time. Could taking a moment of quietly being present in this season could provide the endurance needed to continue your own journey into the Christmas season? This is the marathon and not the sprint.

Maybe there’s no candle handy. Can you picture a dark room with a small flame dipping and weaving in the gentle night’s breeze while Joseph sleeps nearby?

Imagine Mary gazing up at an inky sky. One by one the stars shine brighter and brighter. The world is about to change forever. Labor will start soon, and a new baby will be born.
Does she need a moment to catch up to all she has been carrying?

Did Mary cry out to God that night amid the dark uncertainty while bearing the weight of the savior of the world? She might be a frightened teenager and displaced person. God chose a vulnerable young woman utterly dependent upon the goodwill of her husband, and one who is fully experiencing the discomfort of the final month of pregnancy. Did her feet swell? Did her back ache? Road tripping on a donkey may not have been ideal.

Bethlehem was not her hometown, and these were not her people. A Roman census has commanded these two to travel to Joseph’s hometown to be counted. The timing is hard, and yet by following a government mandate these two fulfill what scripture promised. However, Mary’s mother lives miles away in Nazareth. There must have been a sense of isolation. Where will Mary find peace in this dark night?

In Psalm 46 the psalmist cries out to God as a refuge and strength. Did Mary do the same? 

1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
Psalm 46:1-3 ESV

What causes mountains to move into the sea or tremble? Earthquakes

Did Mary feel her life was experiencing an earthquake of sorts? Her identity was changing, and she was about to become the mother of the savior of the world. Labor would be hard. Her body would be changed forever. Months earlier she had surrendered to God all her own plans and dreams. She had praised God for it all. But now, in the dark night, just before the dawn of a new reality, did she have doubts? Was she still so very certain?

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
Psalm 46:4-7 ESV

While the nations rage, the kingdoms totter, and doubts assail even the most faithful, but God is near during it all. His presence makes all the difference and provides the fortress of protection. While this doesn’t guarantee the absence of suffering, God’s company in all of it makes it bearable. Mary must have had her moments of overwhelm and frustration.

On this eve of Christmas Eve, will you invite the Lord into your places of uncertainty? Can you keep company with Him even when it is hard to believe?

This time of year can be hard for everyone. The expectations stack up. Endless pressure builds to do and be more. Distractions steal our peace. Can I choose to listen for God’s still small voice even in the chaos?

The Psalmist continues.
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
Psalm 46:8-11 ESV

What happens when I choose to behold the works of the Lord?
It changes my focus.

What happens when I choose to be still, even for a moment?
In the stillness of God’s presence, I find peace.

When I gaze upon what God is doing, the things of the world pale in comparison.

What happens when God burns the chariots or breaks the bow and shatters the spear?
This marks the permanent end of war. It points to the ultimate reconciliation between God and man. Someday God will reign for ever and ever on His throne. It’s a now and not yet reality because while we catch a glimpse of it from time to time, permanent peace will not be achieved until Jesus returns once and for all. We live in that tension between Jesus’ arrival on earth as a baby and before He returns in a final victory.

So, on this Christmas Eve night or in the days just before, we sit perched waiting like Mary might have. Looking skyward at those incredible stars and wondering when will that ultimate peace come? Verse 11 says, “the Lord of Hosts is with us.” This name of God means, the victor. The King of glory, who commands the armies of heaven and will eventually defeat all His enemies in this world once and for all.

Will you keep watch with me tonight?

How Can I Say Yes to Kingdom-Size Assignments? Psalm 28

/ Anthea Kotlan / 3 Comments

I can still remember the absolute shock I felt standing holding the phone in the middle of shared office space at Texas A&M in August of 1991.

“Your pregnancy test was positive,” the nurse from my doctor’s office said. 

I found myself slowly sitting down as joy and utter confusion washed over me. How could this be? I had been told this wasn’t possible.

More questions ricocheted around my mind in time to the beat of my steps back to my classroom that afternoon.

Is this why I’ve been so tired? I probably shouldn’t have gone whitewater rafting. Did that hurt the baby? How will I tell my husband?

While the announcement of my first pregnancy came to me over a landline, Mary received the good news of baby Jesus from an angel named Gabriel.

30 And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31 And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

34 And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”

35 And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God.
36 And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God.” 38 And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.
(Luke 1:30-38 ESV)

Mary also wondered about how this pregnancy could be. Indeed, she also carried the tension of joy and utter confusion. And yet, she became the very first person to believe in Jesus. Her humble acceptance of a holy assignment changed the world.

On the fourth Sunday of Advent, which falls on December 19 this year, churches worldwide light the angel candle. This one symbolizes peace and the good news the Angel Gabriel brought to Mary regarding the upcoming birth of Jesus, the world’s savior. Finally, God had answered the cry of his oppressed people with the promised Messiah.

In Psalm 28, the fearful psalmist cries out to a promise-keeping God in full confidence that he will be heard and God will act justly.

1 To you, O Lord, I call; my rock, be not deaf to me, lest, if you be silent to me, I become like those who go down to the pit.
2 Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy, when I cry to you for help, when I lift up my hands
    toward your most holy sanctuary.
3 Do not drag me off with the wicked, with the workers of evil, who speak peace with their neighbors while evil is in their hearts.
4 Give to them according to their work and according to the evil of their deeds; give to them according to the work of their hands; render them their due reward.
5 Because they do not regard the works of the Lord or the work of his hands, he will tear them down and build them up no more.

Psalm 28:1-5 ESV

Thank you, Lord, that you hear my prayers any time I cry out to you. You are never too busy and distracted. You will bring perfect justice to this world.

6 Blessed be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
8 The Lord is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed.
9 Oh, save your people and bless your heritage! Be their shepherd and carry them forever.
Psalm 28:6-9 ESV

Thank you, Lord. I choose to bless you because You still hear the panicked prayers of mothers and issue abundant mercy for your good purposes.  I am grateful for the gift of strength you provide. You alone are always worthy of my heart’s trust. You are my provider of refuge. Therefore, I can do all you ask me to do because You have promised to be my shield, strength, and shepherd. You sent your Son as a tiny baby who grew up to save and serve us as our Shepherd and King, now and always.

A Prayer for Kingdom-Size Assignment

Lord, as I light the fourth Advent candle in the final days before Christmas, let me recall the good news of your Son, Jesus Christ. Help me remember the faithful obedience of Mary. Even when she couldn’t fully comprehend what was being asked of her, she accepted that You would make the way. Help me to obey You, even when I don’t understand. Give me the strength to follow through entirely on Kingdom-size assignments that I cannot possibly accomplish in my own strength. Help me to look to You for protection and provision. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

How about you? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by an assignment that seems too much?

Are you feeling lost, disoriented, or out of time in this season of Advent? Psalm 25

/ Anthea Kotlan / 5 Comments

Decades before GPS was available at my fingertips, my children and I roamed the earth in a Honda minivan, getting lost on many occasions. The only thing worse than getting lost with your own young children is getting lost with your friends’ children at the Houston Zoo.

Had I been to the Zoo before?

Sure, I had always gone with people who possessed a fabulous sense of direction. What didn’t I know? I had set off on a grand adventure with a friend who also had no sense of direction.

Somehow, we managed to arrive at the Zoo with little or no trouble, but that’s when it all started to go wrong. Let me explain to those of you who can drive to Dallas without consulting Google maps or even perhaps your local grocery store. The struggle for those with zero sense of direction is truly real. We are a small group in the general population, but on that fateful day, two adults lacking an internal compass came together. As we stepped into the parking lot of the Zoo with six children in tow, we had no idea the challenges we would face.

If anyone had been tracking us, they might have noticed the inefficient way we meandered around the Zoo. We must have passed by the East Indian Elephants no less than a dozen times. As we ambled along with our small gang of young ’uns, we became distracted by our own conversation and endless requests for snacks.  The animals, the signage, the photo opportunities, and crowds conspired to leave us wandering and wondering. Did we stop and study the map of the Zoo? A map for me is a lovely illustration of objects that may or may not be near or far away.

Hours later things would turn ugly when our six tired children needed to go home, and two mothers had no clue how to find the freeway to go back out to the suburbs of Houston. No amount of gripping the steering wheel brought clarity and a deep sense of dread began to bubble up inside me. A cold sweat beaded up on my forehead. At one point I even took out my ancient, folded map. We both looked at it as we sat on the side of the road trying to determine a way forward. Nothing.

The digital clock on the dashboard counted down the minutes to rush hour. Sheer panic mixed with paralysis glued me to the driver’s seat. Our supply of cold juice boxes and time were dwindling rapidly.

With just over two weeks left until Christmas, it’s far too easy to feel lost, disoriented, and out of time. In this season of Advent, the Anglican prayer book offers a prayer for the third Sunday of Advent (December 12, 2021) that speaks to our need for direction and waypoints in life’s spiritual journey.

O  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  you  sent  your  messengers  the  prophets  to  preach  repentance  and  prepare  the  way  for our  salvation:  Grant  that  the  ministers  and  stewards  of  your  mysteries  may  likewise  make  ready  your  way,  by turning  the  hearts  of  the  disobedient  toward  the  wisdom  of  the  just,  that  at  your  second  coming  to  judge  the world,  we  may  be  found  a  people  acceptable  in  your  sight;  for  with  the  Father  and  the  Holy  Spirit  you  live and  reign, one  God, now  and  for  ever.    Amen.

Anglican Church in North America Book of Common Prayer 2019 (page 599)

Questions

Am I taking time this Advent season to make way for more of Jesus in my life?

Do I live a life reflecting the hope found at the second coming of Jesus?

Psalm 25 offers some wisdom for these questions.

Psalm 25

1 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
2 O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.
3 Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
4 Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.
5 Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
(Psalm 25:1-5 ESV)

This morning I will choose to lift my soul to the one who created it, by reading my Bible and praying. Even when I don’t have time, I will choose to trust my divine creator to make provision in all ways. I will seek Your next steps for me and not my own. Help me learn about Your path for my life. I want to go where You call me to and wait for your prompting and not get ahead or behind Your daily guidance.

6 Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
8 Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
9 He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.
10 All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. Psalm 25: 6-10 ESV

Lord, teach me to remember Your mercy. Help me forget my sins and transgressions and see Your steadfast love. Help me to keep a humble posture towards You. Lead, teach and guide me in Your paths of faithfulness.

11 For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great.
12 Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
13 His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.
14 The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.
15 My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Psalm 25: 11-16 ESV

Lord, in Your presence I long to abide. In mercy, You extend friendship to me and a rescuing hand when I find trouble. Help me keep my eyes always on You. At this most joyful time of the year, loss and sadness can eclipse the glow of Christmas lights. In the darkest times, I will find solace in You as my soul-satisfying companion.

17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses.
18 Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.
19 Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me.
20 Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
22 Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.
Psalm 25:17-22 ESV

Lord, You are my deliverer, one who understands me, the guard of my soul, my protector, and the only one worthy of my waiting.

Advent Prayer from Psalm 25

Lord, as I spend time in Your word today, I am reminded of Your kindness to me, and I give thanks. You know all about my propensity towards getting lost. You hear my cries, and You provide what I lack. Thank you for finding me and showing me the way of salvation when I was lost. Help me to live a life pointing the way for fellow travelers. This Advent season let me use my time wisely to prepare the way for others so they can see the hope I am holding on to in this season. Amen

Back at the minivan just outside the Zoo in a moment of collective brilliance, we both looked up and noticed a built-in compass above the rear-view mirror. We knew we lived North of Houston. Surely, if we traveled North, we would eventually get back to Spring.  Maybe?

The good news is we made it back home, eventually.

How about you this Advent? Are you making your own way or following what the Lord has for you? The gift of not having any real internal sense of direction has always reminded me to seek daily and even moment by moment directions. I may even have multiple GPS apps on my phone. However, when it comes to my spiritual life, I give thanks today to the Lord who never tires of showing me His way. He is always ready to give me turn by turn directions in real-time.