What do you choose in the waiting? Psalm 13

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

The printed factory recall letter slipped out between two pieces of junk mail. Typically, it can be rather tricky to open the multipage document with perforations along the side. As the owner of an older car, this is not my first notification. I slipped it open and read the fine print indicating the need to take my car to the local dealership for a much-needed replacement part. After making an online appointment about a week in advance, I was frustrated to deal with a day of waiting.

I will spare you the play-by-play, but after keeping my car all day, I was told the part needed will not arrive until next week. I seem to have accomplished nothing at the end of a long day of waiting. I finally brought my unfixed care home. I must now wait to hear when the part comes in, and then we may begin the process again. Sigh.

 

No one likes waiting.

Does knowing how long you have to wait make the waiting any easier?

In Psalm 13, the Psalmist cries out with the question, how long?

1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1 ESV)

An unknown waiting period feels unbearable.

Have I been forgotten?

Does anyone even know I’m here?

These questions haunt the psalmist.

His despair grows, and he suggests the Lord is hiding from him. In times of deep sadness, I think everyone feels abandoned and alone.

2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? (Psalm 13:2 ESV)

A season of prolonged suffering can lead to an echo chamber forming around me. What counsel do I have for myself? Indeed, it is limited. I don’t know what I don’t know.

Sorrow’s grip pulls me into the depth of depression and further limits my perspective.

3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. (Psalm 13:3-4 ESV)

Have I been considered?

Have you ever had a text from someone simply checking in on you? It feels fantastic to be considered by someone else. Even if that person cannot fix the problem, or end the suffering, just knowing someone thought about you. This information can ease feelings of isolation.

Falling into a pit of despair can lead me to consider all the worst-case scenarios. A temporary illness triggers the conclusion that I might be dying, or all is lost, or there is no hope for a remedy.

Is this what the psalmist is struggling with?

The psalmist has come to the end of his resources and declares that he is shaken. He’s tired of waiting. What can he do?  

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:5-6 ESV)

The final two verses of this psalm reveal an abrupt change in the tone. Why?

The psalmist decides to try a new strategy.

He will choose to trust when it is still dark and uncertain.

This is a brave course of action.

He will choose to trust when he doesn’t see the provision, and he will take the next step when he can’t see the path.

He chooses to rejoice before he receives the healing or victory.

Why?

In verse 6, he says that God deals with him bountifully.

I am not sure where you find yourself today, but perhaps you are sitting in a time of struggle or suffering. Or maybe a loved one is. Can you take a step toward trust? Can you sing a song of rejoicing right where you are?

Prayer

Lord, help me trust in your steadfast love. Fill my heart and mind with songs rejoicing in my salvation. Help me sing to you, Lord, because You have dealt bountifully with me. You will again because it is in Your nature. I will choose to count the bounty and seek to see more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Is there someone in your life who is stuck in the waiting room? Could you reach out today to remind her that she is seen and considered?

Up and Vanished – Psalm 12

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments

True Crime

People spend hours gathering clues, noting evidence, and hearing interviews from favorite true crime podcasts and documentaries. What draws people to listen to this content that continues to grow in popularity?

Mysteries grab our attention, and we all desire to solve puzzles. It is thrilling to dive into a great escape and try to track down a criminal.

Nancy Drew’s mysteries drew me into sleuthing at an early age. She was fierce, fearless, and willing to do almost anything to crack the case. Years later, I graduated to suspense mysteries from Sue Grafton and DiAnn Mills. Those books can be hard to put down.

Psalm 12 begins with a mystery and a desperate cry for help.

1 Save, O LORD, for the godly one is gone; for the faithful have vanished from among the children of man. (Psalm 12:1 ESV)

Vanished

The word grabs the reader and catches in the throat. It conjures up the idea of someone being here one minute and gone the next. What is it like to live in a world where all the godly have disappeared?  

They must have been there at one time. The landscape is bleak and dark, and the psalmist feels abandoned.

Deception


2 Everyone utters lies to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak. 
(Psalm 12:2 ESV)


Lies pop up everywhere.  

Can we expect anyone to tell the truth?

Do people owe us the truth?

Is there more deception now than before?

In our current age, the rise of fake news and the conflict it has led to has created trauma for so many. Deception puts us all on edge. In reality, false information has been spread since the dawn of time.

Thousands of years ago, when Jesus rose from the dead, their superiors instructed the Roman soldiers to carry out a fake news campaign to discredit this report.

Here, the psalmist calls attention to some particularities about the lies surrounding him.

Lies between neighbors who should watch out for each other.

Lies from lips that seek to deceive and flatter.

Lies from the “double-hearted” are those who say one thing and do another.

A lie from a stranger is complex, but deception caused by those who live in our community feels particularly painful. Someone who seeks to manipulate us with kind words intended to build us up loses all our trust when the truth is revealed. Someone who tells you one thing directly and then does the opposite leaves you doubting yourself. Did I misunderstand?

A Plea for Justice

3 May the LORD cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that makes great boasts,
4 those who say, “With our tongue we will prevail, our lips are with us; who is master over us?” (Psalm 12:3-4 ESV)

The psalmist calls out to God for justice.

Words have power. Threatening words, boastful claims, and media campaigns prove to be a force that brings destruction, risks, and danger.

Tongues may appear to prevail, but God will act.  

God’s Protection Program


5 “Because the poor are plundered, because the needy groan, I will now arise,” says the LORD; “I will place him in the safety for which he longs.” (Psalm 12:5 ESV)


God responds to injustice, and He answers with a promise. He will place his people in the safety that they long for.

Is that safety found in a physical location? Sometimes, God calls us into His protective presence, where He will refresh us to endure. Other times, He chooses to relocate us to a better place.



6 The words of the LORD are pure words, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground,
    purified seven times.
7 You, O LORD, will keep them; you will guard us from this generation forever. (Psalm 12:6-7 ESV)


Sometimes, God calls us into His protective presence, where He will refresh us to endure. Sometimes, He chooses to relocate us to a better location. He will guard us either way.

His word, pure and refined, strikes a contrast to the deceptive terms of the world. Spending time in God’s word gives us refuge.

Sin Cycles

8 On every side the wicked prowl, as vileness is exalted among the children of man. 
(Psalm 12:8 ESV)

This final verse of Palm 12 reveals the cyclical nature of sin. It does come back around and around. When society as a whole permits evil to grow, it will. It is much like a weed in our garden reappearing even after it has been rooted out. Only God can permanently eradicate sin through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus.

Someday, God will prevail, and Jesus will rule over the Kingdom, and we will inhabit a new heaven and earth and no longer suffer under the tyranny of evil.

Prayer

 God, your words and promises are pure, like silver refined in a furnace on the ground,
 purified seven times. Thank you for the fact that there is no fake news from you. You, O Lord, will keep promises and guard your people forever. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Fight or Flight – Psalm 11

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment

(a bird flying away)

Anxiety

I have always known the stranglehold of anxiety in my life.  This unwelcome guest bullied our family at every event and gathering for as long as I can remember. Looking back, I realize how both my parents struggled with the burden of anxiety. My mother shared her list of worst-case scenarios on repeat, and my father snapped, threatened, and exploded so often that it began to feel normal to me as a child.

Psalm 11 showcases a potential anxiety reaction when the psalmist feels threatened.

1In the LORD I take refuge; how can you say to my soul, “Flee like a bird to your mountain… (Psalm 11:1 ESV)

The voice in my head shouts, “flee like a bird!”

Anxiety sneaks in like a silent assassin and quietly wreaks havoc within me. Quick, startled, beating wings threaten to carry me off. I long to escape. Tables and chairs may be flipped in the process of exiting. Anxiety does not keep company with graceful moves or grace-filled actions.

The fight or flight response sends my body into action before making good decisions. My mind has perceived a real or imagined threat.

This is the sticking point. Perhaps there is an actual clear and present danger. Or maybe I think there is because I have been triggered by past trauma. The calm decision-making part of my brain is disengaged by the fight or flight response.

2 for behold, the wicked bend the bow; they have fitted their arrow to the string to shoot in the dark at the upright in heart.  (Psalm 11:2 ESV)

The darkness disorients me.

Dark enough for the wicked to have an advantage but light enough for me to see where the arrows are pointed.

The arrows pointing my way may be from an actual enemy, someone criticizing me, or someone trying to sow seeds of dissent. However, the enemy could also be inside my head. My inner critic could be activated.

3 if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3 ESV)

Everything becomes unstable and unsteady. How can I regain my equilibrium and re-engage the calm decision-making part of my brain?

What can I do when I find myself being hijacked by anxiety?

Trying to apply logic fails. Typically, anxiety does not dialogue well with reason. Something is needed to bring about a reset.

Author and counselor Aundi Kolber offers a variety of resources for managing stress and anxiety in her new book (see below for more information). Kolber suggests “trying softer” with your attention by using various techniques. One she offers is known as “Pendulate with Beauty.”

Pendulate with Beauty Exercise

  1. Find something in your immediate surroundings that you notice is soothing, calming, or empowering.
  2. Spend a few minutes observing it. What is its shape? Color? Texture? Smell? What do you enjoy about it? As you observe, allow yourself to sink into the soothing connection with this resource. Is there a name you could give the experience you are having you connect with this pleasant object? Spend as much time with your resource as you want, and if you don’t want to move into something uncomfortable, you can return to that challenging piece at another time.
  3. Next, release the pleasant experience you’ve just had. Now begin to notice where emotions or part of your body feels uncomfortable. Remember if at any time this experience feels too overwhelming, you can stop and practice grounding.
  4. In your mind’s eye, do a body scan and notice where you feel sensations or emotions.
  5. As you identify the sensations or emotions from the last step, notice if has a texture, a color, a size. Give yourself a moment to simply a moment to stay with it briefly (thirty seconds or less). Can you give a name to this sensation?
  6. Now return to your resource. Allow yourself to breathe and fully focus on the comforting object. Notice yourself letting go of the uncomfortable emotion/sensation for now.

As Psalm 11 continues, I noticed how the psalmist shifts his attention away from the moment’s anxiety to a detailed description of the LORD that ends with focusing on drawing near to the LORD’s face. Perhaps that was his way of practicing a version of pendulating beauty?

4 The LORD is in his holy temple; the LORD's throne is in heaven; his eyes see, his eyelids test the children of man. (Psalm 11:4 ESV)

Despite how I feel right now, the LORD still has authority. He sits on his throne and rules.

5 The LORD tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. (Psalm 11:5 ESV)

Do I feel like I am being tested or tried? Perhaps God is assessing my dependence on Him?

6 Let him rain coals on the wicked; fire and sulfur and a scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup. (Psalm 11:6 ESV)

Raining coals? Apocalyptic imagery? Judgment? Fire and brimstone?

It seems the last few years have been filled with end times warnings.

My soul grows weary of constant alert.

Can I choose not to be surprised or panicked by what I see around me?

I can stay calm amid the chaos by focusing on God’s presence.

7 For the LORD is righteous; he loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold his face. (Psalm 11:7 ESV)

Finally, can I choose to focus my attention on drawing near to the Lord and coming face to face with His presence?

I’m not sure if you ever struggle with anxiety or feel overwhelmed with fear. If you do, consider trying to refocus your attention on the beauty of something outside your current circumstances. Take a moment to recalibrate, and perhaps the vicious cycle of anxiety can be broken.

What do you do to break out of the hold of anxiety? I would love to hear about your experiences.  

Exercise Source:

p. 137 -138 in Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode- and into a Life of Connection and Joy by Aundi Kolber, MA LPC

I wholeheartedly recommend this book. I listened to it on audio and then purchased it for future reference. It is indeed full of tools to try.

Can Forgiveness Set Me Free? Psalm 10

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment

(Prison cell)

During World War II, Louis Zamperini survived 47 days at sea in a raft after his plane crashed and then tragically became a prisoner of war for two long years. While being held captive, he experienced terrible abuse and almost daily beatings at the hands of some ruthless guards.

As I have been reading a book telling his story, Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption, I wonder how Louis could survive all of this. He did cry out to God during his ordeal, and I wonder if Psalm 10 reflects some of his experience in the prison camp.

1 Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? (Psalm 10:1 ESV)

Did Louis feel God was far away, removed, and remote?

The psalmist describes in the following nine verses all that the wicked do. As I read these verses, many scenes from Louis’s experiences with cruel guards sprang to mind.

What do the wicked do?

2 In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor; let them be caught in the schemes that they 
have devised.
3 For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul, and the one greedy gain curses and renounces the LORD.
4 In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
(Psalm 10:2-4 ESV)

In the prisoner of war camps, the Japanese guards would intentionally target Christians and seek to break their faith. They mocked, tortured, and demanded their victims deny God.

5 His ways prosper at all times; your judgments are on high, out of his sight; as for all his foes, he puffs at them.

6 He says in his heart, “I shall not be moved; throughout all generations I shall not meet adversity.”

7 His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity.

8 He sits in ambush in the villages; in hiding places he murders the innocent.
His eyes stealthily watch for the helpless;

9 he lurks in ambush like a lion in his thicket; he lurks that he may seize the poor; he seizes the poor when he draws him into his net. 
(Psalm 10:5-9 ESV)

Over and over, the guards lashed out at Louis and the other prisoners. They were starved, beaten, and then forced to beat each other. As Louis was moved from one camp to the other, the abuse increased as the conditions in each camp deteriorated.

How do abuse victims react?

10 The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might.

11 He says in his heart, “God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it.”
(Psalm 10:10-11 ESV)

The effect of physical abuse is compounded by what the victim experiences psychologically. Endless torture of the mind and body crushes the spirit.

Many of the captives in the Japanese prisoner of war camps gave up hope as the violence took a toll on their bodies and souls. Others succumbed to a list of treatable diseases caused by extreme neglect. All of them struggled to believe there would ever be an end to the torture they were experiencing.

Finally, in 1945 Louis and others were liberated and returned home after the Japanese surrendered. Louis recalled how much he struggled with the memories and the trauma he had experienced. He became dependent upon alcohol to escape the nightmares that haunted his sleep.

Then in 1949, Louis heard Billy Graham preach on forgiveness, and he was delivered from his posttraumatic stress. Later he would travel the country speaking and sharing his testimony of healing and redemption through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Louis had gained true freedom through forgiveness. This incredible journey of forgiveness would lead to Louis reconciling with some of the same guards who had abused him so severely.  

Much like Louis Zamperini’s life took an abrupt turn, the final verses of Psalm 10 change in tone and meaning. The Psalmist cries out to the LORD and begins to declare truths about what God does or will do.

12 Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted. (Psalm 10: 12 ESV)
God does not forget
13 Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart, “You will not call to account”? (Psalm 10:13 ESV)

God calls to account

14 But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless. (Psalm 10:14 ESV)

God helps the fatherless and the helpless.

I can’t imagine a more helpless feeling than being held in a prisoner of war camp by your enemy.

15 Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer; call his wickedness to account till you find none. (Psalm 10:15 ESV)

God takes their strength and calls the wicked to account.

16 The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. (Psalm 10:6 ESV)

God rules as King

17 O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear (Psalm 10:17 ESV)

God hears & strengthens hearts
18 to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more. (Psalm 10:18 ESV)

God brings justice

Most of us will never experience anything like Louis Zamperini did as a prisoner of war. However, all of us will experience encounters with wicked people. What do the wicked people look like in your life? Are you allowing them to hold you captive in unforgiveness?

  • A family member who belittles you or doubts your abilities?
  • A coworker or boss who mistreats you?
  • A friend who betrays your trust?
  • An adult child or parent who became estranged due to toxic behavior or addiction?
  • A deceptive ex-wife or ex-husband or ex-business partner?

How do we as believers respond to the wicked?

If I can trust the truth in the final verses of Psalm 10, this provides a pathway toward the example of forgiveness set by Louis Zamperini. I can cry out to God and surrender my desire to settle the score or set things straight. God can do what I can never do alone in my heart and in my life. I can be set free. For many of us, this might even be a daily journey in forgiveness because sometimes the wrongs run deep and leave scars.

Prayer

Thank you, LORD, that you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen our hearts and incline your ear to each of us. (Psalm 10:17). Thank you for doing justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more (Psalm 10:18). Thank you, Father, for carrying this burden for each of us because the weight of it would destroy us. Please help us to forgive and be set free. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

If you want to learn more about Louis Zamperini, here are two great sources.

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption  by Laura Hillenbrand

“8 Things You May Not Know About Louis Zamperini”

https://www.history.com/news/8-things-you-may-not-know-about-louis-zamperini

Do you have time for a conversation? Psalm 9b

/ Anthea Kotlan / 4 Comments

During my season of parenting teenagers, there was one thing I could always count on — inconvenient conversations.

Just as I was nodding off or felt beyond exhausted, one of my teens chose to begin a meaningful conversation. Suddenly, words poured forth freely, and the opportunity to truly connect arrived. These conversation opportunities opened up to me late at night, when we were running late, or just as someone else was about to arrive at our house.

Every single time.

When I paused and took the time to listen, I was always rewarded with new insight and connection. Sometimes, I was too focused on my agenda and failed to do this well.

Ironically, things don’t change much when you are parenting young adults. Chances are good, they will call you when you don’t have time to talk. Taking that time anyway will bless you, I promise.

God calls us into conversations that might not always fit into our ideal schedules.

Have you ever noticed how the book of Psalms is formatted as a call and response or a conversation with God? Psalm after Psalm draws our hearts into dialogue with Him. He leads, and we can follow. But do I miss some of these fantastic ways to connect? Do I always answer God’s calls?

In the second half of Psalm 9, David reminds me to praise the LORD.

11 Sing praises to the LORD, who sits enthroned in Zion! Tell among the peoples his deeds!
12 For he who avenges blood is mindful of them; he does not forget the cry of the afflicted.
(Psalm 9:11-12 ESV)

God calls us to a conversation with Him and then with each other in our community.

How might my daily conversations with others look and sound different if I started each day by talking to God first? Beginning each day with praise would likely lift my spirits and fill me with resilient joy.

“Tell among the peoples his deeds” is a repeated phrase in the Bible. As God’s people, we are commanded to share our testimonies about how He has worked in our lives. God requires this activity because testimonies shared in the community nourish and strengthen our souls. We need stories of God’s faithfulness to help us remain faithful in difficult times.

13 Be gracious to me, O LORD! See my affliction from those who hate me, O you who lift me up from the gates of death,
14 that I may recount all your praises, that in the gates of the daughter of Zion I may rejoice in your salvation. (Psalm 9:13-14 ESV)

God calls us to honest conversation with Him.

Telling God about my suffering and what is troubling me provides a healthy and safe release for my concerns. He is always ready to listen.

Just as He listens to me, I must leave space to hear from Him. All too often, my prayers sound like a monologue. I must intentionally pause and leave room to listen to hear from Him.

Recounting the praises of God serves to remind me about who He is in my life. A wonderful recounting praises exercise is to work through the alphabet using each letter as a personal praise prompt.

A – I serve an almighty God

B- God’s love is boundless

C- God’s care for my loved ones and me is beyond my understanding.

Can you get to Z? Here’s a link to print out a praise list to begin your day.

praises-a-to-zDownload

15 The nations have sunk in the pit that they made; in the net that they hid, their own foot has been caught.
16 The LORD has made himself known; he has executed judgment; the wicked are snared in the work of their own hands. Higgaion. Selah
17 The wicked shall return to Sheol, all the nations that forget God.
18 For the needy shall not always be forgotten, and the hope of the poor shall not perish forever.
(Psalm 9:15-18 ESV)

God calls us to a conversation with those in need.

Who are the needy? We all are sooner or later.

`

I was congratulating a friend on completing a particularly rigorous program. We discussed the new job she had been offered. Much to my surprise, I realized I had stepped into her season of significant loss. While she had achieved a big goal, her heart’s desire was denied again. The very thing she had worked toward had slipped just out of reach. The new job offer felt to her very much like a consolation prize.

How could I respond to someone sitting in loss?

When I see a person experiencing a time of suffering due to disappointments stacked high, how can I leave room for her to express her story?

It’s far too easy for me to reframe it or deny it. This creates a comfortable distance for me. I don’t wish to think of or see unfairness or suffering up close.

“Helpful” phrases spring to my lips, “It’s not that bad.” “God will work it out.” While there could be a ring of truth to these responses, they are designed to make me feel better, not her.

Could I make space for this woman to feel what she feels and tell her story as it currently is, not as we all wish it were?

Lord, help me to do this better.

Sooner or later, we will all experience seasons of need and poverty. In those times, it feels almost impossible to cling to hope. In verse 18, God promises that disappointment will not be our permanent residence. We will see restoration.

19 Arise, O LORD! Let not man prevail; let the nations be judged before you!
20 Put them in fear, O LORD! Let the nations know that they are but men! Selah
(Psalm 9:19-20 ESV)

God calls us to conversations with Him first, then ourselves, and finally, with a watching world.

If you have watched the news lately, we might agree that some nations, and more importantly, their leaders, must be reminded of their actual status.

We can pray for bad leaders to fear the LORD and realize they are merely men (flawed humans in need of God’s redemption) and not all-powerful despots able to swallow up other nations. Even when these leaders don’t acknowledge the LORD, He will arise.

Some days I am preaching the truth of God’s word and His promises to my own heart and mind. I struggle with anxiety and can become overwhelmed by the constant onslaught of crises communicated in the 24/7 news cycle.

When someone expresses fear, how do I respond? Do I try to outdo a report of doom with my update? Or do I describe the certainty that God will make things right?  

Now, perhaps more than ever, as believers, we can begin each day with intentional soul-tending.

  • We are setting aside time in our schedule to soak in God’s word.
  • Listening for His voice and intentionally leaving space and time to listen.
  • Praising Him.
  • We are speaking to Him before we talk to others.
  • I was listening to others and allowing the margin for them to express sadness.
  • We were peppering our conversations with others with gentle reminders of the character of God.

Do you take time for conversations? I would love to hear how you bring this into practice in your own life.

Can I Cultivate Thanksgiving? Psalm 9a

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment

When I was a little girl, the days spent between Christmas and New Year were filled with the arduous task of writing thank you notes. Looking back now, less than ten notes to write loomed large over those days. For my sister and me, the challenge felt overwhelming.

 I sat for hours at the dark wood desk in my room with the leather inlay carving out words with my blue ballpoint pen. The lightweight air mail paper made my penmanship even more difficult. Ink smeared over the words I crafted. I struggled to complete each note.

Cultivating Gratitude

My mother knew that cultivating an attitude of gratefulness required application. To feel thankful, putting pen to paper reinforces and acknowledges what has been received.

In Psalm 9, David begins his psalm with an order to write thank you notes to the LORD. While these notes do not have to be handwritten on airmail stationery, listing and “recounting” what God has done for us builds up gratefulness in our hearts and minds.

I must confess to a certain degree of pessimism in my own heart. Naturally, I lose sight of all I have received. Sometimes I need to cultivate an attitude of gratitude by making a list.

1 I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
2 I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High. 
(Psalm 9:1-2 ESV)

Listing off the Lord’s wonderful deeds will lead to wholehearted praise and a much-needed perspective shift for me.

3 When my enemies turn back, they stumble and perish before your presence.
4 For you have maintained my just cause; you have sat on the throne, giving righteous judgment. (Psalm 9:3-4 ESV)

Currently, I am traveling through a season of challenges regarding some financial matters—one of those times when my responsibility intersects with someone else’s mistakes. Today, I will choose to claim verse 4 as a promise. “For you have maintained my just cause; you have sat on the throne, giving righteous judgment.” This lifts the crushing pressure to fight for my rights off my shoulders. The Lord maintains my just cause day and night. He will prevail in His perfect timing and in His ideal manner.  

See the Everlasting Ruins

5 You have rebuked the nations; you have made the wicked perish; you have blotted out their name forever and ever.
6 The enemy came to an end in everlasting ruins; their cities you rooted out; the very memory of them has perished.
(Psalm 9:5-6 ESV)

How many times have we visited ancient and historical ruins and marveled about how a king or a country had so much in the world’s eyes, and then it was all taken away? During a visit to Israel a few years ago, I saw this time and time again.

Does the Lord leave “everlasting ruins” behind to remind us how much power He has? I believe those ruins stand as a testimony to His might and abilities. We are forgetful people who need visual cues.

7 But the LORD sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice,
8 and he judges the world with righteousness;   he judges the peoples with uprightness.
(Psalm 9:7-8 ESV)

In whatever situation I find myself in, it is always comforting to be reminded of the Lord’s position in my life and the world. He is on the throne. He has authority in my life and the world around me. While the world appears to be spinning out of control, especially lately, He is still sitting in authority over it all. He will make a final judgment someday when Jesus returns to rule for eternity.

Try Hiding in God’s Stronghold

9 The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.
(Psalm 9:9-10 ESV)

In the meantime, when I feel utterly overwhelmed by it all, I can withdraw into His presence, a stronghold. Because I know His name, I can put my trust in Him. Sometimes it becomes a daily challenge and even an hourly challenge. Spending time in God’s stronghold might look different for each of us. For me, it is choosing to sing songs of praise or sitting quietly and listening for His voice of reassurance. Sometimes, getting outside in nature tends to my soul by exposing me to God’s creation. Time spent in God’s presence brings a reset to my soul and renews my mindset.

Prayer

Lord, I choose to begin with thanksgiving. I will decide to make a list of all You have done and provided for me.

Lord, I choose to see the everlasting ruins You have provided to remind me of Your power. All the while, I will look up to seeing you enthroned forever.

Lord, today I choose to take a few minutes or even hours to hide in Your presence. Usher me into your soul-tending presence as I commit to sing praises and recall Your marvelous deeds.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

What is God doing in the dark? Psalm 7

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment

In the cool dark recesses of the cupboard under the stairs, I carefully placed my newly potted bulb. My father made it clear that I was not to pull it back out into the light for a few months. At seven years old patience was not my strong suit, and I desperately wanted to take a peek after school each day. Instead, I took my red colored pencil and marked off another day on the calendar in the kitchen.

Eventually, my wait was rewarded. My father gave me permission to place the pot in a sunny window.  Within a few weeks, gorgeous blooms burst forth! Months spent in the dark followed by sudden sunshine caused the bulb to believe spring had come early, and it was safe to bloom despite the outdoor frigid temperatures in our British garden.

Have you ever spent a season in the dark with the Lord?

Sometimes we spend time in the dark waiting.

Sometimes we spend time in the dark wondering.

Sometimes we spend time in the dark preparing.

Sometimes we spend time in the dark resting.

God may use a season in the dark with Him in order to prepare us to grow and bloom.

1 O Lord my God, in you do I take refuge; save me from all my pursuers and deliver me,
2 lest like a lion they tear my soul apart, rending it in pieces, with none to deliver. (Psalm 7:1-2 ESV)

In the dark, God provides a refuge from evil.

While enemies might still be near at hand, God’s presence provides a safe harbor.

A place of refuge with God may cloak me in darkness to hide me from our enemies.

Days or weeks or months might slip by in this dark waiting place. All the while I sit in God’s presence away from the evil one who may prowl around like a roaring lion threatening to attack me. My dependence on God grows roots down into the soil of His word and His presence.

3 O Lord my God, if I have done this, if there is wrong in my hands,
4 if I have repaid my friend with evil or plundered my enemy without cause,
5 let the enemy pursue my soul and overtake it, and let him trample my life to the ground and lay my glory in the dust. Selah (Psalm 7:3-5 ESV)

In the dark, guilt might try to hound my heart.

Unlike David, the palmist, I know I could never claim to have no wrong on my hands. It is only my relationship with Jesus that provides forgiveness for all my past, current, and future sins. In the dark, the light of forgiveness keeps me company.

In the dark, God may call me to examine all I have done or left undone.

I may need to repent of sins I lost track of. I can ask the Holy Spirit to search my heart for any hidden sin. Time spent in the dark with God is sowing into a season of growth.

6 Arise, O Lord, in your anger; lift yourself up against the fury of my enemies; awake for me; you have appointed a judgment.
7 Let the assembly of the peoples be gathered about you; over it return on high. (Psalm 7:6-7 ESV)

In the dark, I need God to work in my most difficult situations.

In the areas of my life where I am fearful and controlling, I might need time to realize how much more I need to surrender to God. It may take time before everyone (the assembly) can see how only God can set things right and bring true justice.

8 The Lord judges the peoples; judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness and according to the integrity that is in me.

9 Oh, let the evil of the wicked come to an end, and may you establish the righteous—you who test the minds and hearts, O righteous God! (Psalm 7:8-9 ESV)

In the dark, the Lord may take a full inventory of my life.

He may call me to let go or take on new kingdom assignments, so I might grow in ways He wants me to.

Lord, when you judge me, I know that you alone are my source of righteousness. I can only become “right with you” in our relationship. I am established in righteousness once and for all by the blood of Jesus.

10 My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart.
11 God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day. (Psalm 7:10-11 ESV)

In the dark, I give thanks to God.

I give thanks and worship because He is my refuge, shield, and strong tower, I can always run and hide in His presence.

12 If a man does not repent, God will whet his sword; he has bent and readied his bow;
13 he has prepared for him his deadly weapons, making his arrows fiery shafts. (Psalm 7:12-13 ESV)

In the dark, God may reveal to me hidden sins.

In this world, it is far too easy to become comfortable with the presence of evil. I need time alone with God to discover anything that draws me away from Him. He may need to take his sharpened sword and remove what is not pleasing to Him for my good.

An evil man, who refuses to repent, will be destroyed by God. The judgment will be swift and accurate like an arrow.  

14 Behold, the wicked man conceives evil and is pregnant with mischief
    and gives birth to lies.
15 He makes a pit, digging it out, and falls into the hole that he has made.
16 His mischief returns upon his own head, and on his own skull his violence descends. (Psalm 7:14-16 ESV)

In the dark, God may reveal the wickedness of others.

He may even call me to draw healthy boundaries with those who seek evil who cross my path.

A wicked man becomes an incubator for mischief and lies. He gives birth to more and more deception. Ultimately all of this will end his life.

17 I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High. (Psalm 7:17 ESV)

God’s righteousness does not dim with time but is eternally preserved in who He is. The Lord is the only source of righteousness, and He generously chooses to share it with those who trust in Him.

Prayer

I will give thanks for the seasons of my life spent in a dark refuge with my righteous savior. In due time, I will be brought back out into the light, and beautiful blooms will burst forth for His glory.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

How do you tend a troubled soul? Psalm 6

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments

When it rains, everything seems wet

Dark clouds descend, obscuring my view

The rattle of raindrops muffles the sounds of life

And I am cocooned in sadness

“A Weathered Heart” by Anthea Kotlan

This poem reflects a few aspects of depression. If you have ever experienced a season of depression or if someone you love has dealt with depression, some of this might resonate with you.

The book of psalms is a proven place to find respite and empathy when I am dealing with difficult emotions or challenges. The authors of the psalms, particularly David, poured out anguish, fear, anger, jealousy, and joy.

What if I read Psalm 6 through the lens of depression?

Depression can be like a relentless enemy seeking out its target in the dark of the night and remaining heavily upon the victim for days, weeks, months, or even years.

David writes in Psalm 6 about his struggles with a “troubled soul.” This psalm features both lament and repentance.

1 O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath.
2 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing; heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
3 My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord—how long?
(Psalm 6:1-3 ESV)

Depression causes physical pain and false condemnation. Sufferers can lose perspective and become overwhelmed by the length and breadth of their misery. Time slows to the consistency of molasses. Healing of the body and the heart seems far out of reach.

4 Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.
5 For in death there is no remembrance of you; in Sheol who will give you praise?
(Psalm 6:4-5 ESV)

The psalmist cries out to God in desperation. Depression causes a loss of hope and the ability to see any future. However, David declares God’s steadfast love over himself amid his pain.

God will deliver those who cry out to Him because of His steadfast love.

6 I am weary with my moaning; every night, I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping.
7 My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes.
(Psalm 6:6-7 ESV)

Depression zaps energy and loads the heart down with grief, making it hard to sleep at night (verse 6). David’s couch (or bed) is drenched in tears at night. Then, in the middle of the night, isolation crowds in, causing someone to feel completely desperate. The darkness outside disorients the soul even more.

8 Depart from me, all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer.
(Psalm 6:8-9 ESV)

In these verses, David declares over himself the truth that God hears his weeping and his pleas. God also accepts David’s prayers. To know that you are listened to and seen is vital in a season of depression.

As a friend, are you willing to practice being present with a friend who is suffering? Can you go and sit in the hard times without minimizing or dismissing their concerns? This is the hard and brave work of the Kingdom of God.

10 All my enemies shall be ashamed and greatly troubled; they shall turn back and be put to shame in a moment.
(Psalm 6:10 ESV)

David declares how God settles scores and turns enemies away in this final verse. God protects our reputations and reverses expected outcomes. He redeems.

Prayer

Lord, I give thanks today because you hear my prayers and pleas. You know my heart and mind when I become overwhelmed with crushing sadness. Even my darkest thoughts are safe in your hands. You are my refuge in overwhelming times of grief. In the night, you provide the light of hope, and I will run to you again and again.

When my loved ones feel crushed by sadness, help me to be willing to draw near and be present with them. Give me the strength to sit in sorrow. Even when I don’t have the answers, let me be an agent of your love in the dark of the night.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

**Sometimes depression arrives in our lives due to sad and difficult situations. However, depression can also come about due to much more profound and complex issues requiring medical intervention. If you or a friend are struggling with depression, it is always wise to seek a complete evaluation from your doctor or a licensed counselor. Isolation and shame only delay the ability to seek long-term sustainable solutions.

How do you speak to yourself? Psalm 5

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

Do you use practice kindness or condemnation? I confess my default setting for the voice inside my head leans heavily towards harsh criticism. I struggle to practice self-compassion. In Psalm 5, the psalmist calls out to the Lord for help.

1 Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning.
2 Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray.
3 O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.

(Psalm 5:1-3 ESV)

Thank you, Lord, for hearing me today and every time I pray to you. You are always awake and ready to listen to whatever is in my heart. Words are not required. You hear and understand my groanings.

When I choose to watch for you, I will always see you appear.

4 For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you.
5 The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers.
6 You destroy those who speak lies; the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.
(Psalm 5:4-6 ESV)

Thank you, Lord, for taking care of all the wickedness and deception in this world. It is not up to me to bring justice or to right the balance of power. You have a plan to do all of this in your way and on your schedule. I can rest in you, knowing you are taking care of each and every evil act. You know and see all things, so I don’t have to. Help me release all wrongdoers into your capable hands and your perfect timing. Give me the ability to release my own mistakes and trust you to redeem them.

7 But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house. I will bow down toward your holy temple in the fear of you.
8 Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies; make your way straight before me.
(Psalm 5:7-8 ESV)

Thank you, Lord, for providing an abundance of steadfast love. You meet me at the door of your house with the warmest of welcomes. When I come in, I am so overwhelmed by your loving presence, I must bow down before you.

Whenever I look for you to lead me, you do. You gently take me by the hand and make my path clear by revealing each step on the journey. I travel light because I am covered by your righteousness and not weighed down by all of my sins.

9 For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue.
10 Make them bear their guilt, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out, for they have rebelled against you.
(Psalm 5:9-10 ESV)

There is no truth in the mouths of your enemies, Lord. Help me to speak the truth to myself and not relentlessly criticize myself or anyone else. Guide me away from pointing out what is lacking.

You cast out those who rebel. Your justice is perfect and absolute. I no longer have to keep score.

11 But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you.
12 For you bless the righteous, O Lord; you cover him with favor as with a shield.
(Psalm 5:11-12 ESV)

Thank you for providing a place of refuge open 24/7 because of your grace. Once there, I find myself joining the chorus of joyful singing. In your presence, I can hide inside the shield of your love and acceptance. Help me to practice speaking kindly to myself the way you always do. Silence the voice of my inner critic that seeks to condemn me. Today, I choose to dance in the fullness of your love and give thanks.

A Blessing in Despair – Psalm 3

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments

How can I find blessing in the midst of despair?

Amid the Covid 19 pandemic, in the Fall of 2020, discouragement began closing in on me. Numerous cancellations and endless disappointments piled high. My father, a nursing home resident, had been placed in hospice care. For the first time in my life, none of my family in England could visit, nor could I travel there.

The heavy load of grief threatened to capsize me.

Death

Days after he died, I felt desperate to be with my British family. However, none of that was possible. Regular visits to see my family in England were a fixture in my life. For the first time in my life, going home was no longer possible.

Sadness, grief, disappointment, and fear weighed me down. Would I ever be able to see my extended family again? Looking back now, this seems absurd but at the time, so much in my life felt uncertain. As my father’s only surviving child, I longed to sit with his siblings and share stories about his life.

“The Blessing”

About a week later, I scrolled across a video (“The UK Blessing”) of a group of singers from all over the United Kingdom performing a cover of “The Blessing.”  This song, written by Kari Jobe (and others), struck a deep chord inside me.

The Lord bless you

And keep you

Make His face shine upon you

And be gracious to you

The Lord turn His

Face toward you

And give you peace

Amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen, amen

“The Blessing” by Kari Jobe, et al.

I must have watched and listened to this song on repeat for days. Different groups of people from all over the British Isles sang different portions of the song. Hearing the variety of accents felt deeply meaningful as my family of origin represents people from all over the UK. Seeing the name of each church and recognizing the locations brought back so many memories of home.

He is for you

One verse of this song strengthened my weary heart.

In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you

“He is for you.” This truth I needed to hear on repeat.

Surrounded

In Psalm 3, I read about David being surrounded by his enemies. I picture him on the battlefield dodging an oncoming swarm of invaders. Somehow, they slip around and begin threatening him on every side. He cries out for rescue because he knows the Lord is for him.

I am not, and was not, on a military battlefield.

Were David’s enemies found only on the battlefield?

The enemy of my soul would prefer for me to believe David’s opposition was primarily military. Still, time spent in the Psalms reveals how David struggled with various enemies.

  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Spiritual

Enemies ambushing my heart can be just as dangerous as a physical threat.

Unseen enemies of my soul can wreak havoc on my spiritual life.

Soul Tending Checkup

Perhaps a soul tending check-up is in order today?

 As I examine my heart, what is troubling me?

In this season of my life, who are my enemies?

What strategies does the enemy of my soul use in my life?

  • The harsh voice of my inner critic speaks loudly in the dark of isolation.
  • Temptations to take shortcuts, try quick fixes, and participate in gossip sneak up.
  • My perceptions or snap judgments (this is not fair, they don’t like me, no one is giving me that opportunity) provide a chorus of discouragement and dissatisfaction.
  • Challenges of daily life: missed calls, unexpected repair bills, medical diagnoses
  • Fear, anxiety, and endless uncertainty in a post-pandemic world.
  • Mushroomed misunderstandings start small and rapidly network into a wall of offense built up brick by brick.

How about you?

When I feel surrounded, Psalm 3 can be a powerful prescriptive prayer to examine my soul. A prayer like this can re-align my heart with God’s truth.

1 O Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me;
2 many are saying of my soul. “There is no salvation for him in God.” Selah
(Psalm 3:1-2 ESV)

When I feel surrounded, I lose sight of God’s abundant provision, especially the precious gift of my salvation.

Prayer

Lord, help me to turn to you when I feel surrounded. Please help me to hear your voice and silence the voices of those who accuse me.  

3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.
4 I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill.
(Psalm 3:3-4 ESV)

Prayer

Thank you, Heavenly Father, you hear me and protect me. You can lift my head and allow me to gain renewed perspective I don’t have without you. You can always see and hear me from your holy hill.

5 I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.
6 I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. (Psalm 3:5-6 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, I can rest and sleep knowing you are watching over and protecting me. It is far too easy to count up the agents of opposition, but even if a thousand come against me, You are always so much more.

7 Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked.
(Psalm 3:7 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, thank you for doing battle for and in my place.  I don’t have to figure out how to fight because You do it for me and have such effective battle plans.

8 Salvation belongs to the LORD; your blessing be on your people! Selah
(Psalm 3:8 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, you have given me the gift of salvation. You have put your blessing on me.

In the final two verses of the song, “The Blessing,” says,

May His presence go before you

And behind you, and beside you

All around you, and within you

He is with you, He is with you

In the morning, in the evening

In your coming, and your going

In your weeping, and rejoicing

He is for you

Prayer

While I may feel surrounded by the enemy of my soul, I am surrounded by God’s presence all day and all night, wherever I might go. He goes before me, beside me, and behind me. For this truth, I give thanks today to the Lord. Amen

Here’s the link to listen to the “UK Blessing” on YouTube.