Grief

A Blessing in Despair – Psalm 3

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments

How can I find blessing in the midst of despair?

Amid the Covid 19 pandemic, in the Fall of 2020, discouragement began closing in on me. Numerous cancellations and endless disappointments piled high. My father, a nursing home resident, had been placed in hospice care. For the first time in my life, none of my family in England could visit, nor could I travel there.

The heavy load of grief threatened to capsize me.

Death

Days after he died, I felt desperate to be with my British family. However, none of that was possible. Regular visits to see my family in England were a fixture in my life. For the first time in my life, going home was no longer possible.

Sadness, grief, disappointment, and fear weighed me down. Would I ever be able to see my extended family again? Looking back now, this seems absurd but at the time, so much in my life felt uncertain. As my father’s only surviving child, I longed to sit with his siblings and share stories about his life.

“The Blessing”

About a week later, I scrolled across a video (“The UK Blessing”) of a group of singers from all over the United Kingdom performing a cover of “The Blessing.”  This song, written by Kari Jobe (and others), struck a deep chord inside me.

The Lord bless you

And keep you

Make His face shine upon you

And be gracious to you

The Lord turn His

Face toward you

And give you peace

Amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen, amen

“The Blessing” by Kari Jobe, et al.

I must have watched and listened to this song on repeat for days. Different groups of people from all over the British Isles sang different portions of the song. Hearing the variety of accents felt deeply meaningful as my family of origin represents people from all over the UK. Seeing the name of each church and recognizing the locations brought back so many memories of home.

He is for you

One verse of this song strengthened my weary heart.

In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you

“He is for you.” This truth I needed to hear on repeat.

Surrounded

In Psalm 3, I read about David being surrounded by his enemies. I picture him on the battlefield dodging an oncoming swarm of invaders. Somehow, they slip around and begin threatening him on every side. He cries out for rescue because he knows the Lord is for him.

I am not, and was not, on a military battlefield.

Were David’s enemies found only on the battlefield?

The enemy of my soul would prefer for me to believe David’s opposition was primarily military. Still, time spent in the Psalms reveals how David struggled with various enemies.

  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Spiritual

Enemies ambushing my heart can be just as dangerous as a physical threat.

Unseen enemies of my soul can wreak havoc on my spiritual life.

Soul Tending Checkup

Perhaps a soul tending check-up is in order today?

 As I examine my heart, what is troubling me?

In this season of my life, who are my enemies?

What strategies does the enemy of my soul use in my life?

  • The harsh voice of my inner critic speaks loudly in the dark of isolation.
  • Temptations to take shortcuts, try quick fixes, and participate in gossip sneak up.
  • My perceptions or snap judgments (this is not fair, they don’t like me, no one is giving me that opportunity) provide a chorus of discouragement and dissatisfaction.
  • Challenges of daily life: missed calls, unexpected repair bills, medical diagnoses
  • Fear, anxiety, and endless uncertainty in a post-pandemic world.
  • Mushroomed misunderstandings start small and rapidly network into a wall of offense built up brick by brick.

How about you?

When I feel surrounded, Psalm 3 can be a powerful prescriptive prayer to examine my soul. A prayer like this can re-align my heart with God’s truth.

1 O Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me;
2 many are saying of my soul. “There is no salvation for him in God.” Selah
(Psalm 3:1-2 ESV)

When I feel surrounded, I lose sight of God’s abundant provision, especially the precious gift of my salvation.

Prayer

Lord, help me to turn to you when I feel surrounded. Please help me to hear your voice and silence the voices of those who accuse me.  

3 But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.
4 I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill.
(Psalm 3:3-4 ESV)

Prayer

Thank you, Heavenly Father, you hear me and protect me. You can lift my head and allow me to gain renewed perspective I don’t have without you. You can always see and hear me from your holy hill.

5 I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.
6 I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. (Psalm 3:5-6 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, I can rest and sleep knowing you are watching over and protecting me. It is far too easy to count up the agents of opposition, but even if a thousand come against me, You are always so much more.

7 Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked.
(Psalm 3:7 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, thank you for doing battle for and in my place.  I don’t have to figure out how to fight because You do it for me and have such effective battle plans.

8 Salvation belongs to the LORD; your blessing be on your people! Selah
(Psalm 3:8 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, you have given me the gift of salvation. You have put your blessing on me.

In the final two verses of the song, “The Blessing,” says,

May His presence go before you

And behind you, and beside you

All around you, and within you

He is with you, He is with you

In the morning, in the evening

In your coming, and your going

In your weeping, and rejoicing

He is for you

Prayer

While I may feel surrounded by the enemy of my soul, I am surrounded by God’s presence all day and all night, wherever I might go. He goes before me, beside me, and behind me. For this truth, I give thanks today to the Lord. Amen

Here’s the link to listen to the “UK Blessing” on YouTube.

Grief in the Heart of Texas – Psalm 112

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments

Deep in the heart of Texas, there have been so many tears. Imagine the heartbreak of parents who lost their babies and students who lost their teachers in a school shooting in Uvalde. A small community decimated by evil. The grief is heavy.

A week later, the news broke that an escaped convict brutally murdered a grandfather named Mark Collins and his four grandsons. About a decade before me, this man went to my high school and lived a few miles away from me. His grandsons also lived locally. Although we never knew each other, I couldn’t help but notice how many mutual friends we have.

Watching believers, like the Collins family, grieve the most significant loss of their lives challenges all of us who claim the name of Jesus’ followers. Can we follow Him into the darkest valley when we mourn these losses? Are we willing to go near to suffering without offering pointless platitudes to create a comfortable distance?

A Wisdom Psalm

Psalm 112, part of the wisdom collection of psalms, offers guidance on how our lives should be a marked contrast to those who don’t claim our faith. 

In light of these tragedies, feeling so close and raw, would my life reflect a difference in a time of profound grief the way the Collins Family has demonstrated? Walk through this psalm, verse by verse, and watch for the Holy Spirit to bring what He has for each of us to mind.

1 Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! (Psalm 112:1 ESV)

Does my life reflect respectful obedience to God’s commandments? Am I focused on following the commandments or busy looking for loopholes?

2 His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. (Psalm 112:2 ESV)

What is my relationship like with those closest to me? Do my family members see the fruits of the Holy Spirit in me when no one else is around? Do I seek to be a blessing to my children and grandchildren?

3 Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. (Psalm 112:3 ESV)

How do I manage what God has entrusted to me? Is fear or faith my rudder?

4 Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. (Psalm 112:4 ESV)

Do I seek God’s light to show me His ways and behaviors in dark seasons? Am I living as an image of His grace, mercy, and righteousness? As times get darker, can the reflection of Christ grow brighter?

5 It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. (Psalm 112:5 ESV)

Am I a kind and generous giver? Do I keep my hands open, or do I grab onto anything I receive? Am I storing up treasures that I don’t need? Does my life show one who tries to live above and beyond the minimum requirement to follow the law?

6 For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. (Psalm 112:6 ESV)

Can I stand for what is right and speak out about what is true? Can I trust God for the results and not depend on earthly affirmations?

7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. (Psalm 112:7 ESV)

Can I hold company with peace when sad reports come my way? On this side of heaven, there will be more days of loss and violence. We live in a broken world. Will my heart be so saturated by the truth of God’s word that trust flows out abundantly?

8 His heart is steady; he will not be afraid until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. (Psalm 112:8 ESV)

Can I remain steadfast? Can I avoid allowing fear to bully me into regret? Fear has gained a solid foothold in recent years. What is an antidote? One way to counter fear’s narrative is to tell the story of God’s generosity in our lives.

9 He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn is exalted in honor. (Psalm 112:9 ESV)

Can I remember in seasons of scarcity that all I have is a gift from God? Can I release all I have stored up without holding back because I know He will provide again and again for me? God is generous, and he calls me to the same.

10 The wicked man sees it and is angry; he gnashes his teeth and melts away; the desire of the wicked will perish! (Psalm 112:10 ESV)

This verse was the one that grabbed my heart. Do all the wicked people’s desires perish? At the moment, it doesn’t seem that way. Instead, it feels like the wicked won.

Can I trust you, Lord, to right the wrongs, bring justice, and settle all accounts? Can you strengthen me to love harder and show mercy in a world where the wicked sometimes win temporary battles? Help me to know that you won the war.

I read the obituary of one of the little boys who perished with his grandfather. He had been baptized just over a year ago.

“On June 2nd, 2022, Bryson Duncan Collins ran into the arms of Jesus at the age of 11.”

Prayer

Lord, may this be said of each of us. So then, when wickedness comes our way, may we all run into the arms of Jesus. . And it is in His precious name we pray, Amen.

Are You Giving Margin for Lament? Psalm 42

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment
(Actual photo of the deer that treat my front yard as a salad bar.)

Everyone I know experienced loss in 2020. Job loss, death, illness, cancellation of special events, long months of separation from loved ones, financial struggles, depression, strain on marriages, anxiety and more was served up in abundance to everyone.

What do I do when faced with a sad situation, a significant loss or a painful transition?

I believe there is a need, hard-wired into our soul, to grieve, process and lament pain. Stuffing it down only lengthens the healing pathway or avoids it entirely.

Psalm 42 is written as a lament. It begins with the vivid picture of thirsty animal.

1As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?

Psalm 42:1-2 ESV

The Master Designer of humans created me with a need for Him. My soul literally thirsts and hungers to be in God’s presence. Far too often shame, guilt, sadness, and depression keep me from running to the only one who can fill my needs. I might even try to satisfy myself with people and things, but only God can water my parched soul.

3 My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

Psalm 42:3-4 ESV

In times of deep grieving my tears have truly been my food day and night. Sometimes well-meaning friends offer empty platitudes or pointed questions that provide no hope or encouragement. While I long to gather in God’s house, I’m pouring out what little energy I might have left on my grief journey. The steps in processing grief must be taken one by one. Rushing back into a festival or celebration would be disorienting until the work of grieving in completed.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation 6 and my God.My soul is cast down within me; therefore, I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.

Psalm 42:5-6 ESV

Part of any grieving journey requires some soul searching and an exploration of why. My own feeling sometimes surprises me. My hope is found in God and that is a handhold in the dark way that must be traveled. Can I call to mind times of God’s faithfulness in my life? Making a list might bring a fresh spring of encouragement. The psalmist recalls the unchanging landmarks in the land where he lives as he travels the uncertain territory of processing grief. What are the places where God has shown himself large and active in my life? Shall I place a stone of remembrance there to bear testimony of what He has done for me?

Thank you, God that you provide a map for traveling the pathway of grieving. You give abundant margin for me to bring all my deepest and darkest feelings to you. You are always available to hear my cries. You never tire of reminding me of what you have done for me. Help me to travel the grieving pathway at your pace. Not running ahead or giving up but moving ever forward to great healing that can only come from you. AMEN

How do you leave margin to process grief? I would love to hear your thoughts.