Church hurts from bad religion are accompanied by a profound sense of loss. They hurt more than most of life’s other hurts. They sometimes feel on par with divorce or even death. I know for me, church hurts were personal, deeply internal, at the core of my soul. Bad religion is confusing, depressing, and side-lining. I sometimes wondered if I could survive the church.
Bishop Todd Hunter, What Jesus Intended: Finding True Faith in the Rubble of Bad Religion
Surviving the Church
Many have wondered if we would survive the church. Hearing about church hurt is something relatively common for me. As a women’s ministry leader and part of a church plant team, I have no doubt that I have failed and inflicted pain on others in the church at different points. As broken human beings, we wound each other.
In Psalm 55, David laments his church wounding.
1 Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! 2 Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan, 3 because of the noise of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked. For they drop trouble upon me, and in anger they bear a grudge against me. Psalm 55:1-3 ESV
David begs to be heard. It is a basic need of all humans to be seen and heard.
Why can’t we be heard?
The noise of the enemy isolates David and causes him to feel unheard. Why can’t we be heard? The soundtrack of our lives grows in volume every year. Thanks to cell phones, access to audio input has never been so easy. The enemy of our soul drowns out the hope-filled messages of Jesus with accusations, condemnations, and declarations of disaster.
Despite how it may feel, the enemy of my soul is Satan and not the one who hurt me in the church. Satan bears a grudge against me because I am a follower of Jesus. He tempts me to pick up an offense and cultivate heavy grudges. When grudges weigh me down, it becomes harder to receive grace.
Fear and Anxiety
4 My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. 5 Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. 6 And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; 7 yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah 8 I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.” (Psalm 55:4-8 ESV)
In a season of deep wounding, fear and anxiety may overwhelm me and begin to manifest as physical symptoms. All of that cortisol cascading through my system takes its toll. I may need to make use of tools to reduce anxiety.
Sometimes, like David, my response to emotional pain is exhaustion. Those are times when I may need to step away and rest with the Lord. It is far too easy to ignore the warnings that I need soul rest and keep running until I am exhausted. Then the appeal of unhealthy escapism grows exponentially.
Captive
9 Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues; for I see violence and strife in the city. 10 Day and night they go around it on its walls, and iniquity and trouble are within it; 11 ruin is in its midst; oppression and fraud do not depart from its marketplace. (Psalm 55:9-11 ESV)
David’s request to divide his enemies’ tongues seeks to prevent them from sharing information and working together. David felt ganged up on.
Satan, the enemy of my soul, often uses that feeling of being “talked about” or “left out of the conversation” to discourage me. God can and will divide those tongues if needed and stop damaging communication. (See the story of the Tower of Babel to learn more.)
David also feels physically surrounded. The enemy has climbed the walls and sat atop them and taunted him. The city walls, designed to protect him, have become a pathway for evil.
Am I trying to build walls for protection? Or am I seeking my only true refuge and protection, the Lord’s presence? Wall-making apart from the Lord might backfire.
Betrayal
12 For it is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. 13 But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. 14 We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng. 15 Let death steal over them; let them go down to Sheol alive; for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart. (Psalm 55:12-15 ESV)
People will hurt us and let us down, but those we held close, trusted, and opened our hearts to have the ability to wound us more profoundly than almost anyone.
There is no hurt like church hurt. This is, of course, all part of Satan’s plan. I see how well it works to keep Jesus’s people divided, conquered, and far away from fellowship. The very place they might receive healing.
Jesus was deeply aware of church hurt. He experienced the betrayal of one of his own disciples. Judas had been part of the small group of Jesus’s closest friends. Judas had been praying with Jesus, sharing meals with Jesus, and attending all of Jesus’s teaching sessions. Suddenly, and without warning, he veered off into greed and betrayal. The consequences were deadly.
Prayer to Heal from Church Hurt
Jesus, I know that you know what it is to be hurt by those I held so close. Help to heal me and help me avoid the trap of bitterness, isolation, and/or falling away from being part of the body you call me to. Restore my heart and my faith that I might walk in freedom and fellowship. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Anthea Kotlan 