Lent

Lent and Lament – Psalm 31b

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

One essential soul-tending tool might be to practice lament.

In the six weeks or so leading up to Easter, Christians worldwide participate in Lent. It’s a season for believers to take inventory of their spiritual lives. Perhaps a spring cleaning with some lament thrown in for good measure. Some choose to give something up as a way to remember Jesus’ suffering and sacrifice. Others take on specific disciplines like spending more time in prayer, reading through certain portions of scripture, or attending special church services designed to mark the season.

Taking time to lament our personal and corporate sins can be a central part of Lent. Some people even pray about what they have done and what they have left undone.

In the second half of Psalm 31, the psalmist takes an inventory of sorts. Take a few minutes today to participate in personal lament by reading each verse and considering these things.

14 But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in your hand: rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!
16 Make your face shine on your servant; save me in your steadfast love!
(Psalm 31:14-16 ESV)

Words said aloud

What we say matters.

What we speak aloud seeps into our bones and shapes our thinking.  

The Psalmist begins with a declaration, “I say, ‘You are my God.’”
He follows this with a cry for the Lord to “Make your face shine on your servant…”. This refers back to the priestly blessing in Numbers 6:24-26.  

As human beings, we were all made to crave being in our Heavenly Father’s presence and having His approval. It is in our original design. Many of us will spend a lifetime trying to please God in our strength. Sadly, we will fail and fail again without accepting Jesus as the only way to our Father.

What can you say aloud to build you up and encourage your spiritual growth?

  • Sing Christian hymns or songs  
  • Read the Bible aloud for a few minutes every day
  • Pray aloud in the car or on a walk using the promises of scripture
17 O Lord, let me not be put to shame, for I call upon you; let the wicked be put to shame;
    let them go silently to Sheol.
18 Let the lying lips be mute, which speak insolently against the righteous in pride and contempt.
19 Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you
and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!
20 In the cover of your presence you hide them, from the plots of men; you store them in your shelter from the strife of tongues.
(Psalm 31:17-20 ESV)

Words heard

What we listen to matters.

The Psalmist begs the Lord to mute lying lips. He requests that the wicked go silently to Sheol. What we listen to affects us more than we realize. Other peoples’ words have the power to weigh us down and teach us things that are not true. We live in a noisy world and can become surrounded by deceptive soundtracks.

Taking time to seek out silence each day can counter the inevitable feelings of overwhelm.

What can you listen to build yourself up spiritually?

  • Refrain from listening to the radio or a podcast during your drive time, and enjoy the silence.
  • Reduce the number of news programs you watch or listen to. Practice extreme discernment on your news sources. Do the anchor people seem angry or prideful?
  • Commit to listening to God’s word daily, even for a few minutes. Please read it to yourself aloud or listen to any of the podcasts or services that read scripture daily. In less than 20 minutes daily, I have listened to the entire Bible in one year.
21 Blessed be the Lord, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city.
22 I had said in my alarm, “I am cut off from your sight.” But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy when I cried to you for help.
23 Love the Lord, all you his saints! The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. 
24 Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!
(Psalm 31:21-24 ESV)

Things that were done and left undone

Have you asked for help lately?

Asking for help requires a certain level of humility and vulnerability. Too often, I am more ready to problem-solve than cry out to God for help.

He hears us and is so ready to send us aid.

In verse 23, the psalmist calls out the “one who acts in pride.” She might be someone who relies on her strength, leans on her courage, and requires her own schedule to be kept.

The Lord calls us to be found waiting for Him. Waiting for Him to answer us, aid us, and make provision. Do I sometimes miss His ideal solution because I have tried to run ahead and make my own way?

The Lord calls us to “take courage” as we wait on Him because He is willing to give it to all of us.

Prayer

Lord, thank you that you hear my cries for help and always answer. Please help me to wait on your way and your timing. Please help me to complete the assignments you have given to me. Please open my eyes to things I may lose sight of that are essential to you.  May I glorify you with the words I say? May I honor you with what I listen to? Please give me wisdom and discernment in all of these areas. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Ashes, Anguish, and a Pathway to Healing – Psalm 31:1-13

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

Lent begins this year on Wednesday, February 22nd. On that day, churches worldwide will host Ash Wednesday services. Ministers will mark the foreheads of the faithful and say,

“Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” 
Genesis 3:19 ESV

During the forty days of Lent, believers can set aside time to lament their own mortality. In the Bible, the use of ashes signals mourning and loss. Ashes on our skin make inner suffering visible. Christians are reminded that we sin and die because humanity rebelled against God. We must continue to acknowledge this truth.

In Psalm 31, David laments his own suffering as he is relentlessly pursued by King Saul. Examining the first half of this psalm reveals a great deal about prayers of desperation and lament.

1 In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me!
2 Incline your ear to me; rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me, a strong fortress to save me!
(Psalm 31:1-2 ESV)

God’s rescue comes about because of His character. What a relief!

God’s refuge is a solid rock of certainty, not an everchanging unreliable aspirational goal. The rescue may not be what I expected, but it always comes in God’s perfect timing.

3 For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me;
4 you take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.
(Psalm 31:3-4 ESV)

God’s presence is the refuge. How often do I seek His presence and spend time there?

Suffering and Surrender

Verse 5 might sound familiar. Jesus intentionally echoes David’s words from this psalm as he is about to die on the cross. Jesus would have had many of the psalms memorized, and the crowd would have to. By using this key phrase, He models surrender.

During Lent, many believers spend time considering the suffering of Jesus on the cross. The gravity of our sin required a sacrifice of extreme and prolonged anguish.

Idol Check

6 I hate those who pay regard to worthless idols, but I trust in the Lord.
7 I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul,
8 and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place.
Psalm 31:6-8 ESV

Before I coast by verse six, I may need to conduct an idol check. I don’t typically feel like bowing down to a large golden cow. So, considering that weirdly specific Biblical allusion, I suppose I’m idol free, or am I?

While I do trust in the Lord, would an inventory of my spent time and treasure reveal some idol influences?

Where do I spend my time?

How do I spend my money?

How do I invest the talents the Lord has blessed me with?

Set aside time to spend alone with the Lord, seeking His wisdom on these questions. Consider asking a trusted friend or family member how she sees these areas in your life.

We live in a society that worships the idol of youth and beauty. People make important life decisions based on public opinion, pleasing the crowd, or external appearances. God looks on our hearts. We all can become obsessed with seeking a life of ease and comfort.  We feel outraged if we believe our rights have been put into question. These goals contradict the transformational call to follow Jesus and carry our cross. We are called to give up our own way, rights, entitlements, and priorities for the sake of the Gospel.

Verse seven reminds me that God sees me and knows my distress and brokenness. In the midst of suffering, knowing that someone sees and knows can help me hang on. A certain isolation weighs so heavily on my heart when I feel like no one understands. Often no human can completely comprehend another person’s journey, but the Lord always can.

Our Bodies Keep the Score

9 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.
10 For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away.
Psalm 31:9-10 ESV

Our bodies bear the brunt of trauma and abuse. Years of verbal abuse may result in migraine headaches or other maladies. Sin takes a toll on our physical bodies. (For so much more on this topic, check out this book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD)

Neighbor’s Betrayal

11 Because of all my adversaries, I have become a reproach, especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances; those who see me in the street flee from me.
12 I have been forgotten like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel.
13 For I hear the whispering of many— terror on every side!— as they scheme together against me, as they plot to take my life.
Psalm 31:11-13 ESV

When someone in our lives becomes our enemy and seeks to harm us, we expect that person to be a threat. In normal and healthy ways, we draw boundaries and allow that person to experience the consequences of her actions. However, a neighbor’s or friend’s betrayal, inaction, or lack of empathy cuts much more deeply. Social isolation becomes a secondary trauma for those who have been victims of abuse.

Why does this happen?

Recently I heard Rachel Denhollander talk about our call as Christians to bear witness to someone else’s abuse and respond with active compassion. Denhollander warns that this requires so much of us. It is costly and painful. Sadly, the cost is far too great for some, who choose to pull away when others need them most.

How do you respond to those who suffer around you? Do you try to minimize a friend’s experience, or are you willing to be present and sit and hold space for someone to process through a time of grief?

To be able to hold space for others in seasons of suffering, we must seek to be healed ourselves by processing our own trauma and suffering.

Psalm 31 provides a set of prayers for those who suffer. It can provide a way to begin to metabolize grief. In an effort to bring his own brokenness before God, David boldly showed his whole heart to God. Not just the pure and acceptable parts, but he reveals the darkness and the desolation. This is our own path to healing.

Prayers of Desperation

David’s prayers all through the Psalms reveal a willingness to be honest and vulnerable which builds true intimacy in His relationship with God. These steps allow Him to draw near to God on his worst day. When he finds himself trapped, overwhelmed, and hopeless, he hands it to the Lord fully and completely. His prayers are raw without edits or apologies, and ours should be too. He refuses to dress it up as anything other than pure desperation. His heart is failing, and there is no way out in his own strength.

Hope in the Cross

If you can attend an Ash Wednesday service and receive ashes marked in the shape of the cross on your forehead, I encourage you to cling to the hope revealed there.

That cross carries within it an entire story and the foundation of human hope. It is the story of loss and gain, of the incarnation of the truly good one, his glorious life, and triumphant defeat of death. The ashes are not just a reminder of our great failure; but they remind us of God’s victory over sin and death through the life, death, and resurrection of his Son.

Esau McCaulley
Lent: The Season of Repentance and Renewal

How will you navigate the season of Lent this year? What does God have for you in this journey? Lent 2023 begins on Wednesday, February 22nd.

Can I Stand in Palm Sunday Promises? Psalm 116

/ Anthea Kotlan / 1 Comment
(A hand holding up a palm frond.)

Palm Sunday marks the first day of Holy Week for believers worldwide. Jesus began his journey to the cross with a triumphal parade through Jerusalem. As crowds joyfully mobbed Him, Jesus never lost focus on his priorities. Instead, he made provision for his disciples and invited them to participate with him in his final days on Earth by delegating jobs to them.  

Earlier that day, He asked two disciples to secure transportation for Him.  

"Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here. 3 If anyone asks you, 'Why are you doing this?' say, 'The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.'"  (Mark 11:2-3 NIV)

He asked disciples to make dinner reservations for their group.  

"Go into the city, and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him. 14 Say to the owner of the house he enters, 'The Teacher asks: Where is my guest room, where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?' 15 He will show you a large room upstairs, furnished and ready. Make preparations for us there." (Mark 14:13-15 NIV).

He wanted to have everyone together one last time before He would have to depart. So, even in His final days of ministry on Earth, Jesus sought to gather and include. He did not want anyone to miss His final teachings.   

Those who laid down palm fronds and his dinner guests must have believed this was the beginning of the new Messiah’s rule. Finally, the Jewish people were ready to throw off the oppression of Roman rule. How quickly the tone would change from celebration to despair! The cheering crowd would become an angry mob. 

Moments later, hard truths were spoken while breaking bread, and the subsequent few days’ events took a decidedly downhill turn. First, Jesus prayed blood-perspiring prayers alone in the garden. Next, his disciples failed to stay watchful and pray with Him. Then a close friend betrayed Him, and Jesus’ arrest caused even the most loyal followers to lose heart.  

Psalm 116 was written by a psalmist, perhaps King David, recalling God’s mercy and grace. What if this psalm could be re-read from the perspective of Jesus on His way to his Good Friday Execution? On Palm Sunday, Jesus could see what lay before Him and exactly how costly it would be. And yet he made the journey anyway, and every stop along the way was intentional.  

Psalm 116  

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.  

2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. 
Psalm 116:1-2 NIV

Jesus began his march to the cross motivated by love. Like the psalmist, he was in constant communication with God. Praying at every point along his journey, He was in an ongoing conversation with His Heavenly Father. One of the last things He did before he died was to cry out to God from the cross and beg for mercy for those who persecuted him.  

At every step of Jesus’ journey to the cross, He cries out to God. If only I could pray every time, I find myself hurt, frustrated, or fearful?  

3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow.  (Psalm 116:3 NIV)

Sitting upon the donkey on Palm Sunday, Jesus could see the long road of anguish and suffering rolling out before him. He knew it all. From the street lined with adoring fans and palm branches to the lonely and humiliating walk to the cross, Jesus never gave up. He chose not to be overcome. Instead, when his physical suffering was extreme, he turned his attention to the needs of others.  

"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing." (Luke 13:34 NIV) 


4 Then I called on the name of the Lord: "Lord, save me!"  (Psalm 116: 4 NIV)

From the garden of Gethsemane, “He (Jesus) withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed…” (Luke 22:41 NIV) 

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. (Psalm 116:5 NIV)

Out of compassion, the Lord chose to allow His son to die so that I could live eternally. Jesus knew that God will always be both gracious and righteous. God’s grace made a way to meet the standard of righteousness through the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus’ death on the cross.

6 The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. (Psalm 116:6 NIV)

Who are the unwary?  

The people throwing down palm branches on Palm Sunday would be the same people crying out for Jesus’ crucifixion. Suspended in agony on the cross, Jesus again cried out on their behalf. 

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. (Luke 23:33-34 NIV) 

Even in torture and humiliation, Jesus continued to intervene for the people who stood around, unaware of the impact of what they were doing. Some of them were even taunting Him.  

How often am I deeply hurt or frustrated by unwary people? Can I choose today to follow Jesus’ example and cry out to God and not complain? 

7 Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. 

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 
9 that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. 
(Psalm 116: 7-19 NIV)

Jesus had no rest, plenty of reasons to cry, and would even stumble as he carried his cross to his crucifixion. And yet, He never lost sight of the goodness of God. As a result, Jesus was delivered from death when He rose again on Easter Sunday.  

His death allows believers to walk in the land of the living before the Lord. Jesus gave us access to a relationship with our heavenly Father.  

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said, "I am greatly afflicted"; (Psalm 116:10 NIV)

Jesus began a journey on Palm Sunday that would end in tremendous affliction, and He knew what He would face. He did so with grace and dignity as He trusted in the Lord.  

How often do my doubts torture me on top of any afflictions I might suffer? Lord, help me to pour out those doubts to you. Help me trust you to give me strength for any temporary affliction I might suffer this side of Heaven.  

11 in my alarm I said, "Everyone is a liar." (Psalm 116:11 NIV)

During Holy Week, Jesus dealt with false accusations and those who testified against Him during his two trials with religious leaders and the Roman authorities. However, even these lies could not prevent God’s will from being done.   

12 What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me? 

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord.  (Psalm 116:12-13 NIV)

When I spend time during Holy Week considering all that God has done for me as a lowly sinner, I realize I can never repay the debt I owe. Jesus drank from the cup of death for me so that I could drink from the cup of salvation forever. Help me cultivate an attitude of thanksgiving for all the Lord has done for me.  

14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people. 

15 Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants. (Psalm 116:14-15 NIV)

Jesus’ slow and methodical march to the cross had to be a public display. So, what began as a procession before all Jews and the Roman oppressors ended in a public crucifixion.  All those witnesses allowed more people to see and know.  
Jesus, the ultimate faithful servant, was precious in the sight of God and set the ultimate example of surrendered obedience.   

16 Truly I am your servant, Lord; I serve you just as my mother did; you have freed me from my chains. 

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord. (Psalm 116:16-17 NIV)

Jesus knew the pain his mother would suffer because of how He would die. So, he provided for her by giving her care over to his disciple John at the foot of the cross. He remembered how His mother had served God as a young pregnant woman when an angel first told her about Jesus. She trusted God completely when nothing seemed to be working out. She would continue to trust God even in the face of almost unbearable grief as she watched her son die.  

Jesus became the ultimate thank offering. His death paid for all of our sins once and for all.  

18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people, 
19 in the courts of the house of the Lord—in your midst, Jerusalem. 

Praise the Lord. (Psalm 116:18-19 NIV)

The path Jesus traveled on Palm Sunday and all the way to the cross was done in the presence of all of God’s people and in the middle of Jerusalem. Therefore, his death and resurrection needed to be witnessed by enough people to be provable in a court of law.  

All Jesus did during Holy Week was to glorify God and bring about reconciliation for every believer. These final days of Jesus’ ministry here on Earth were marked with sorrow and suffering. These were the days in between the celebration of Palm Sunday and the joy of the Resurrection commemorated on Easter. 

As a follower of Jesus, I live life every day on Earth between the promise of Palm Sunday and the hope of the Resurrection Sunday. I see sin and suffering all around me, and yet I can follow Jesus’ example of faithfulness in the midst of pain. Because of Jesus’ death on the cross, I have a reconciled relationship with the Lord. I can pray and He hears me. The hope of the Resurrection points to the ultimate restoration. Someday, but not just yet, every eye will see and every knee will bow.  

On Palm Sunday, we catch a glimpse of the coming King Jesus who will rule forever. Watch for Him with me this Holy Week.

Can Solitude and Silence Recalibrate My Heart? Psalm 62

/ Anthea Kotlan / 2 Comments
A woman sitting alone on a bench.

On the third Sunday of Lent (3/20/22), Anglican churches all over the world prayed this prayer.  

Heavenly Father, you made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you: Look with compassion upon the heartfelt desires of your servants, and purify our disordered affections, that we may behold your eternal glory in the face of Christ Jesus; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God for ever and ever. Amen. 

Collect for the 3rd Sunday of Lent – ACNA BCP 2019 

  • our hearts are restless until they rest in you 
  • look with compassion upon the heartfelt desires of your servants 
  • purify our disordered affections  

These phrases jumped off the page. The third week of lent, the halfway point, is a time when the enthusiasm of giving up something for this 40-day season may have waned. I feel a bit done with being done with something I enjoy. I am seeking valid reasons to press the pause button and question the validity of my pitiful sacrifice. After all, what difference does it make? My restless heart is running wild. 

There it is listed in the prayer: restless hearts and disordered affections.  

What does my restless heart need during this Lenten midpoint? What does it look like to rest in God? Do I finally have spiritual justification for a nap? It certainly does wonders for my grandchildren. What about my disordered affections. Do I too often love what is not suitable for my soul? Do I prioritize things or people over God? 

The spiritual discipline of silence and solitude might be something to test drive. It could be a way to:

  • find true rest 
  • spend time under God’s compassionate gaze 
  • have my disordered affections sorted out 

Donald S. Whitney in his book, ”Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life,” says, 

“The simple act of silence before the Lord, as opposed to coming to Him in a wordy fret, can be a demonstration of faith in Him.”  

In Psalm 62, David seeks God from a posture of silence and solitude. 

1 Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. 
2 Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. 
3 How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down—this leaning wall, this tottering fence? 
4 Surely they intend to topple me from my lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. 
Psalm 62:1-4 NIV

While I am not under attack from an earthly enemy, the way David often was, who or what keeps me from resting in God and spending time in solitude and silence? 

Technology intrudes on almost every moment of my waking hours. 

It is hard to disconnect and take time alone with God. I am constantly monitoring my cell phone because someone might need me. Because it is all at the touch of a button, I find myself continually checking weather updates, news headlines, and updates on friends and family. The situation cuts the other way too. Have you ever received an irritated message because you failed to respond to a voicemail, text message, or status update immediately? In recent years reasonable response times have shrunk to minutes, not even hours.  

I set a timer for 10 minutes this morning and sat in a chair on my back porch. I refused to pick up my phone until the timer went off. I intentionally chose to sit because it meant I was doing nothing. It would be too easy to get some steps in or begin weeding my patio plants. Those ten minutes ticked by slowly, and the chattering monkeys came to visit. Landscaping ideas ping-ponged into my brain, and I counted puddles of water around my yard left from the storm that swept through last night. I pushed those thoughts gently away and tried to clear my mind of nothing but God. I had to do this more than once. 

“What do you want me to know, Lord?” I sat and pondered. 

Ten minutes of silence is much longer than I expected. But, I did begin to hear the Lord’s still, small voice telling me He loves me, and I don’t have to do things for him to earn His love.  

Do I find silence and solitude hard? Yes 

Is it hard to put down my phone because there might be an emergency? Yes 

Do I feel the need to be available to my people 24/7? Yes, so much.  

God knows this. He has David remind me of the only place I can rest from the futile attempt to be all things to all people. 

5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. 
6 Truly, he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 
8 Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. 
Psalm 62:5-8 NIV

Verse 5 sounds like a conversation I might need to have. I must remind my soul to find rest in God again and again and again.  Hope will naturally follow this practice because I will regain God’s perspective. I will no longer believe the lie that it is all up to me. This soul recalibration helps me gain God’s wisdom and insight.  

If God is my rock, salvation, and fortress, I will not be shaken by external storms like bad news updates or internal fears and anxieties. I can pour out all my worries and then sit in silence, knowing He will care for every single concern I have. He will do it with abundance because He is the God of the universe, and I am not.  

9 Surely the lowborn are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie. If weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath. 
10 Do not trust in extortion or put vain hope in stolen goods; though your riches increase, 
    do not set your heart on them. 
Psalm 62:9-10 NIV

These two verses also remind me that God is fair. Even when I don’t see justice, He works in unseen ways. While an evil earthly tyrant might try to take possession of an entire country on the other side of the world, God is still working behind the scenes for His purposes. God can and will bring provision. That is not up to me.  

11 One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: “Power belongs to you, God, 
12     and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”; and, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.”
Psalm 62:11-12 NIV

Finally, these two verses speak to how well God knows His children. First, these things are so vital for us to hear God will send the message more than once. Second, God has all the power, and I do not. I can relax in knowing it is not up to me to fix everything, care for everyone, and do and do until I collapse in exhaustion.  

God’s love for me does not fail, and it fills me with His love for others. Solitude and silence with God will re-order my affections. I no longer strain to love those I find hard to enjoy. God can fill me with His love for others if I draw near. I don’t have to try harder or do more.  

God is ultimately the only fair judge in this world. He will reward everyone according to their deeds. In verse 12, God’s mercy and justice sit together. God does not give us what we deserve, but instead, He empowers us to do what He calls us to do. Will I obediently do what He has called me to and promised to help me do? Or will I continue to strive based on my strength?  

Verse 12 could appear to contradict what God spoke to me today. However, God does not need me to do anything for him. Doing is not how I find my value. He has it all done and covered. However, he chooses to partner with each of us in his projects and works. When I come right beside Him, the yoke is easy and the burden light (Matthew 11:28-30). He rewards me with that joyful participation as He recalibrates my weary heart.  

Spending time in solitude and silence might help me hear from God more clearly. Of course, for me, it might only come in small increments of 10-minute sessions, but perhaps I can build on that?  

How about you? How do you find solitude and silence? 

A Mark To Remember -Psalm 103

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment
(A cross shape on top of ashes)

Photos, awards, a folded American flag, certificates, and various hats revealed a life well-lived in the service of others and God. This table of remembrance, set up near the chapel entrance, displayed things representing my friend’s father’s life. Attending a memorial service brings a stark reminder of what is left behind after someone dies.

What are the only two things that last into eternity?

People and the Word of God

Ash Wednesday (March 2nd) will mark the first day of the 40-day season of Lent and serves as a perfect reminder of this truth. Everything is actively passing away. My physical life on earth, my money, my house, and all my possessions will fade away sooner or later.

The Ash Wednesday service offers, “a chance to kneel and receive the mark of mortal nature,” says Fr. Thomas McKenzie in his book, The Anglican Way.

An Anglican Ash Wednesday service often inserts Psalm 103 into the liturgy. The first seven verses of Psalm 103 begin with praising God and offering perspective.

1 Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The LORD works righteousness, and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:

Psalm 103:1-7 NIV

We can praise God as we begin Lent on this Ash Wednesday because of all the benefits He provides.

  • Forgiveness
  • Healing
  • Redemption
  • Love and compassion
  • Satisfaction
  • Righteousness and Justice
  • Knowledge of His ways and deeds

God warns us not to forget them (vs. 2). Perhaps we need to create a table of remembrance in our own lives on a regular basis to keep these benefits in our minds and our hearts?

How have you seen God provide each one of these gifts recently?

The next seven verses of Psalm 103 may be shared early in the Ash Wednesday service liturgy.

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,  slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,  so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103:8-14 NIV

How have you seen the compassion of the Lord in your life recently?

As the Ash Wednesday service continues, a reading of the Gospel is shared, a sermon is given, and then the priest says,

“Let us now call to mind our sin and the infinite mercy of God.”

A prayer follows.

Almighty God, you have created us from the dust of the earth: Grant that these ashes may be for us a symbol of our mortality and a sign of penitence, that we may remember that it is by your grace alone that we receive the gift of eternal life in Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

ACNA BCP 2019 p. 545.

(Anglican Church in North America, The Book of Common Prayer published in 2019.)

Verse 14 is echoed in the liturgy when the priest marks a cross on each participant’s forehead, saying, “remember that you are dust, and to dust, you shall return.”

Such a profound and sobering declaration. This ashen cross marking announces to a watching world both our mortality and penitence as believers.

Psalm 103 continues with eight final verses contrasting our mortality on earth and God’s eternal nature.

15 The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the Lord, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the Lord, my soul.
Psalm 103:15-22 NIV

When I am reminded of both my mortality and the grace of eternal life through Jesus Christ, all I can do is praise Him. Like the psalmist, I truly want to praise Him with all of my soul.

During the next forty days, whether you attend an Ash Wednesday service or not, why not accept an invitation to Lent.

Lent is not a season of limitation, but instead, it is an amazing opportunity for grace and growth. Lent can be a time of Holy preparation, and an opportunity to create margin in a busy life by giving up something or taking on a life-giving practice. Fr. Thomas McKenzie says, “The disciplines are meant to empty us so the Lord may fill us.”

How will you observe the season of Lent this year?

Do you have any questions about Lent?

Search Me, O God – Psalm 139

/ Anthea Kotlan / 3 Comments

Some years the season of Lent can feel chaotic. In contrast, this season is designed to be a time of spiritual renewal and contemplation. Since life may throw me endless curve balls, disruptions, and changes, sometimes I need to push a pause button and take a moment to practice a spiritual discipline known as self-examen.

It is the practice of setting aside time alone with the Lord and seeking the Holy Spirit to check on my spiritual health. I decided to use Psalm 139 as a map to guide me and travel through each verse, stopping to ask these questions. These questions, created by author Ruth Haley Barton, can serve as a prayer guide that allows me to take each verse and see what God had for me there.

Self-Examen Questions

  • Adoration, what is a way I could praise and adore God for the quality in this verse?
  • Confession, what is something I need to ask God for forgiveness regarding this verse? Has God used his word to illuminate a sin?
  • Thanksgiving– what do I need to give thanks for God in this verse?
  • Supplication -what does this verse bring to mind that I need to pray about?
1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139:1-24 ESV)

Prayer

Lord, would you use this practice of self-examine to “search me, O God, and know my heart.” I am easily fooled and distracted. Please send a fresh wave of your Holy Spirit to guide me. Lord, “try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting!” Lord, fill my mind with your truth and your guidance. Please help me to glorify you. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen.

I want to thank Ruth Haley Barton for her suggestion of using this Psalm for this practice of self-examination. Check out her brilliant work on spiritual disciplines.

(Barton, Ruth Haley. Sacred Rhythms. IVP, 2006)

I would love to hear how God spoke to you through your self-examen. What did you find in Psalm 139, and what did God find in you?

*Lent falls at different points on the church calendar each year but lasts for the 40 days leading up to Easter. This year Lent 2023 begins on February 22nd. This season can invite us to take a spiritual inventory and consider taking on and giving up certain practices to make more room for Jesus in our lives.

“Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

For Mother’s Day last year, I asked for a lemon tree, and my family blessed me with two tiny Meyer Lemon trees. My husband helped me plant each one in a sunny location in our garden, and at once I fancied myself a lemon farmer. However, my trees were small, a little frail and the expected crop of lemons did not come forth. Rather than gorgeous fruit, at around the six-month mark, I spotted evidence of a pest that was systematically dining on the tender leaves and blossoms. Google revealed a plan of action that involved the daily application of a particular oil to each trees’ leaves. This oil must be sprayed on both sides of every single leaf on the tree in order to cause the tiny pests to evacuate. This application must be consistent over the course of about three weeks. Then a weekly maintenance schedule would need to be kept. The Fall season of gardening for me featured many interruptions, and my attempt to eradicate the lemon tree infestation failed miserably. While I managed to beat back the tiny, annoying leaf destroying army, I never actually prevailed. I lacked consistency and focus.

In the middle of January, I attempted a second three-week campaign against the pests that intended to rob me of my Spring lemon crop. Progress was made; however, a Covid-19 diagnosis around day ten of the regimen sidelined my assault for a few days. The eve of Valentine’s Day weekend brought dire warnings from the local weatherman who gleefully predicted single digit temperatures for my tropical area of Texas, just North of Houston. Google warned me that the Meyer Lemon variety in particular do not survive temperatures below 32, so single digits for three days in a row would surely destroy my twin lemon trees. My lemon trees were facing certain peril, and I did not know what to do.

Lent is an open invitation extended to all believers, and this year it begins on Wednesday, February 17th. It’s a forty-day opportunity to draw closer to God and remove things and activities that distract me from putting Him first in my life. Lent is not only about giving up, but it can also be about embracing new disciplines or practices that might help me to grow spiritually. It is in fact a soul tending activity, requiring consistency and focus, that provides a necessary reset. All Christians continually need to renew our repentance and faith. (ACNA BCP 2019 p. 543)

Charles Spurgeon wrote, “Begin as you mean to go on, and go on as you began, and let the Lord be all in all to you.” This is how I must approach Lent this year. I must be intentional in preparing myself and considering what I need to take on and give up in this season. I must begin as I mean to go on. Just like my lemon trees, my soul is in need of intensive, continual care in order to grow.

If I am able to attend an Ash Wednesday service, the priest will say to me, “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” I need to be reminded. The smudged cross on my forehead will be an outward and visible sign proclaiming an invitation to a Holy Lent that is extended to all of God’s people in this bleak midwinter.

As for those twin lemon trees, my husband carefully dug them up before the artic plunge, and we brought them inside planted in pots. It will be a bit of a shock for them to be moved; however, having them parked in my living room will surely help me as I try round three of eradicating those tiny leaf munchers. For these lemon trees, intentional care for them could help them survive and even thrive in the midst the polar plunge of 2021.

How will I in turn practice soul care for myself in this season? Am I willing to practice Lent and spend a time of self-examination, repentance, prayer, fasting and almsgiving this year? (ACNA BCP 2019 p. 544) Because I need an intentionally set aside time to prepare for Resurrection Sunday, also known as Easter, on Sunday, April 4th. Just like my little lemon trees, my soul needs daily care. Perhaps, Lent could prove an ideal reset?

Update

I won’t be able to attend a traditional Ash Wednesday service today because my church has had to cancel all services due to unsafe icy road conditions. Our church will offer ash distribution on Sunday when temperatures will rise above freezing. Prayers would be so appreciated for all of us, as many are still without power and water in my area.

“The Book of Common Prayer 2019,” Anglican Church in North America