How do I trust God in the Middle of a Season of Loss? Psalm 74

Have you ever seen a church building repurposed as a new business, restaurant, or bar? I have seen this many times while visiting family and traveling in Europe. One church I remember had gorgeous stained-glass windows but was converted into an Indian restaurant. I found it strangely unsettling, and loss is firmly attached to it in my mind.

There is a special rite or service within Anglicanism known as The De-Consecration of a Sacred Space. The liturgy is designed to make room for lament for those who experienced some of the most joyful moments in their lives inside the walls of that church. A wedding day, a child’s baptism, or a loved one’s memorial service becomes tied to those sacred spaces in our hearts and minds. Recently, a pastor told me of an unfortunate situation in the Austin area. When a nearby church’s attendance dwindled, the denomination closed the church building. Next, families who had placed their loved ones in the church’s columbarium were contacted. The families were asked to come and pick up their loved one’s cremated remains. His church was in a growth cycle and recently built a new columbarium. They began receiving regular requests to purchase niches for these homeless remains.

In Psalm 74, the worship leader cries out to God on behalf of an entire congregation in lament over the destruction of their sanctuary. While most church-going Americans have never experienced the tragedy of having a foreign power destroy their church, some know a fair bit about church splits and church attendance decline. While I realize some churches might be building bigger buildings and moving to new spaces, that is not always the case. Like divorce, church splits and dwindling attendance create financial havoc and loss.

A Cry for Help

1 O God, why do you cast us off forever? Why does your anger smoke against the sheep of your pasture?
2 Remember your congregation, which you have purchased of old, which you have redeemed to be the tribe of your heritage! Remember Mount Zion, where you have dwelt.
3 Direct your steps to the perpetual ruins; the enemy has destroyed everything in the sanctuary!
(Psalm 74:1-3 ESV)
  • Does God need me to remind Him?
  • Does God need me to direct Him?
  • Does God need to hear my status update?

No

When faced with loss, I feel compelled to line it out for God as if it might have escaped his notice. The truth is that God knows all about my losses. He knows what I lost before, and He even knows what I will lose in the future.

A List of Violations

4 Your foes have roared in the midst of your meeting place; they set up their own signs for signs.
5 They were like those who swing axes in a forest of trees.
6 And all its carved wood they broke down with hatchets and hammers.
7 They set your sanctuary on fire; they profaned the dwelling place of your name,
bringing it down to the ground.
8 They said to themselves, “We will utterly subdue them”; they burned all the meeting places of God in the land.
9 We do not see our signs; there is no longer any prophet, and there is none among us who knows how long.
(Psalm 74:4-9 ESV)

Losing a place of worship strikes at the heart of a community. Destroying beautiful things like art, worship spaces, or rare books feels deeply personal. In this psalm, the author writes about the additional loss of a prophet. Prophets serve a community by providing wise guidance. They speak the truth and call a people group to the next steps in the restoration process.

In times of disorientation, seeking a spiritual guide gives necessary support. Ask the Lord to provide a pastor or mentor for you.

When and Why Response

10 How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever?
11 Why do you hold back your hand, your right hand? Take it from the fold of your garment and destroy them!
(Psalm 74:10-11 ESV)

Sooner or later, I always arrive with God at the “when and why moment.” I want to know the timeline because it might give me an illusion of control. If I only knew when this would be over and the restoration would come, I could deal with this. These are the lies I tell myself.

I also want to know why, and I have even fallen into the trap of assigning motives to other people’s actions, which leads to more offense on my part.

Releasing my need to have every question answered might be the best pathway to healing after a loss.

But God

12 Yet God my King is from of old, working salvation in the midst of the earth.
(Psalm 74:12 ESV)

A turn in the lament occurs at this halfway point in Psalm 74. God works “in the midst of the earth” amid loss and tragedy.

I must choose to take this turn to reorient my perspective. Recently, a friend of mine went through a particularly dark and painful season. She chose daily to ask the Lord to show her himself in the middle of the loss and the pain. Slowly, she began to see a flickering candle of God’s presence. She kept a journal and noted each point of light along her journey. Four years later, she has a powerful testimony of seeing God’s presence in one of the hardest seasons of her life.

Prayer

Lord,

Please help me trust amid loss, allow me to release my need to know it all, and help me see you working each day. In Jesus’s name, amen.  

Does Everything Happen for a Reason? Psalm 44:1-16

Years ago, my husband and I worked for a company that filled our lives with many amazing opportunities. While we both were able to use our degrees and training, this kingdom-minded company built up our community. Financially we were well-compensated, and this season was a time of abundance and fruitfulness for our family. It might have been described much like the first eight verses of Psalm 44.

1 O God, we have heard with our ears, our fathers have told us, what deeds you performed in their days, in the days of old:
2 you with your own hand drove out the nations, but them you planted; you afflicted the peoples, but them you set free;
3 for not by their own sword did they win the land, nor did their own arm save them, but your right hand and your arm, and the light of your face, for you delighted in them.
4 You are my King, O God; ordain salvation for Jacob!
5 Through you we push down our foes; through your name we tread down those who rise up against us.
6 For not in my bow do I trust, nor can my sword save me. 
7 But you have saved us from our foes and have put to shame those who hate us.
8 In God we have boasted continually, and we will give thanks to your name forever. Selah
(Psalm 44:1-8 ESV)

Blessings and Victories

These first eight verses of Psalm 44 report what some believers expect our lives to look like. Popular Christian culture would describe this as a blessed life of victory. Many of us have experienced seasons like this.

Is life as a follower of Jesus supposed to be easy and fruitful? Can I expect to live my best and most fulfilling life if I am obediently following Jesus?

A Change in Season

The next section of Psalm 44 expresses the reality of our human experience in a broken world on this side of Heaven.

9 But you have rejected us and disgraced us and have not gone out with our armies.
10 You have made us turn back from the foe, and those who hate us have gotten spoil.
11 You have made us like sheep for slaughter and have scattered us among the nations.
12 You have sold your people for a trifle, demanding no high price for them.
13 You have made us the taunt of our neighbors, the derision and scorn of those around us.
14 You have made us a byword among the nations, a laughingstock among the peoples.
(Psalm 44:9-14 ESV)

Did God fail me?

This question weighs heavily on our hearts and minds. Do you ever feel rejected and disgraced by God? Have you ever felt that others must wonder how you can believe in a loving God when experiencing terrible things?

 

Loss and Disappointment

The very same believers who experienced all the victory in the first eight verses are now witnessing loss and disappointment. Has God abandoned them? Has He targeted them for vengeance? Their identity has changed from mighty warriors to sheep to the slaughter in a few verses. They have moved from victors to victims.

15 All day long my disgrace is before me, and shame has covered my face
16 at the sound of the taunter and reviler, at the sight of the enemy and the avenger.
(Psalm 44:15-16 ESV)


In these moments of great anguish, when we might feel near our breaking point, the enemy of our soul seizes the opportunity to layer on taunts and accusations.

When the weight of shame crushes our souls, a nagging question follows. Why did this happen to me or my loved one? Shame threatens to suffocate our souls because we begin believing we did something to deserve this. There is something flawed deep down inside us. This a lie from the pit.

While the consequences of our actions take their toll on our lives, our world is full of painful things that happen for no apparent reason that we can discern. We may never know why a loved one died, a child experienced abuse, or someone we love suffers. Everything does not happen for a reason. For years, I held tight to that lie. Believing that I could make sense of suffering, and sometimes you just can’t.

 

A Season of Loss

In 2010, just as our oldest daughter graduated from high school, my husband and I lost our dream jobs. In a painful process of betrayal and separation, we also lost many relationships. Sometimes breaking up a business partnership can look like an ugly divorce, with rumors and false accusations. When assets get divided, no one particularly wins. So much time and energy got wasted in battles over fairness and justice. My husband even had to give up working in his field of expertise for five years to fulfill specific legal requirements.

At a time when we might have been focused on celebrating our daughter’s accomplishments, we counted our losses and reeled from betrayal.

Years later, I can see how the Lord used this season to re-align our priorities.  You have much space left in your life and schedule when you lose so much. We needed time to grieve and heal, and we did. We would, however, never get back exactly what we lost or anything close to it. We lost a great deal, but we both gained resilience and deep knowledge of the ongoing process of forgiveness. I used to think that forgiveness was a “one-and-done operation.” However, a deep and layered betrayal will require an ongoing effort to forgive and forget.

Did we do something to cause our season of loss and pain? No

Did God teach, guide, and provide for us in this season? Yes

Are we sometimes still blindsided by reminders of this loss? Yes

Prayer

Lord, we pray that we will be known as people who boast continually in God, and we give thanks to His name forever, in the seasons of blessings and in the seasons of loss. Help us to seek You first for our healing and restoration. Give us grace for the ongoing journey of forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For a deeper dive into this topic, check out this book:

“Everything Happens for a Reason: and Other Lies I’ve Loved” by Kate Bowler.

Are You Giving Margin for Lament? Psalm 42

(Actual photo of the deer that treat my front yard as a salad bar.)

Everyone I know experienced loss in 2020. Job loss, death, illness, cancellation of special events, long months of separation from loved ones, financial struggles, depression, strain on marriages, anxiety and more was served up in abundance to everyone.

What do I do when faced with a sad situation, a significant loss or a painful transition?

I believe there is a need, hard-wired into our soul, to grieve, process and lament pain. Stuffing it down only lengthens the healing pathway or avoids it entirely.

Psalm 42 is written as a lament. It begins with the vivid picture of thirsty animal.

1As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
 for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?

Psalm 42:1-2 ESV

The Master Designer of humans created me with a need for Him. My soul literally thirsts and hungers to be in God’s presence. Far too often shame, guilt, sadness, and depression keep me from running to the only one who can fill my needs. I might even try to satisfy myself with people and things, but only God can water my parched soul.

My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

Psalm 42:3-4 ESV

In times of deep grieving my tears have truly been my food day and night. Sometimes well-meaning friends offer empty platitudes or pointed questions that provide no hope or encouragement. While I long to gather in God’s house, I’m pouring out what little energy I might have left on my grief journey. The steps in processing grief must be taken one by one. Rushing back into a festival or celebration would be disorienting until the work of grieving in completed.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation
and my God.My soul is cast down within me; therefore, I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.

Psalm 42:5-6 ESV

Part of any grieving journey requires some soul searching and an exploration of why. My own feeling sometimes surprises me. My hope is found in God and that is a handhold in the dark way that must be traveled. Can I call to mind times of God’s faithfulness in my life? Making a list might bring a fresh spring of encouragement. The psalmist recalls the unchanging landmarks in the land where he lives as he travels the uncertain territory of processing grief. What are the places where God has shown himself large and active in my life? Shall I place a stone of remembrance there to bear testimony of what He has done for me?

Thank you, God that you provide a map for traveling the pathway of grieving. You give abundant margin for me to bring all my deepest and darkest feelings to you. You are always available to hear my cries. You never tire of reminding me of what you have done for me. Help me to travel the grieving pathway at your pace. Not running ahead or giving up but moving ever forward to great healing that can only come from you. AMEN

How do you leave margin to process grief? I would love to hear your thoughts.