suffering

Does Everything Happen for a Reason? Psalm 44:1-16

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

Years ago, my husband and I worked for a company that filled our lives with many amazing opportunities. While we both were able to use our degrees and training, this kingdom-minded company built up our community. Financially we were well-compensated, and this season was a time of abundance and fruitfulness for our family. It might have been described much like the first eight verses of Psalm 44.

1 O God, we have heard with our ears, our fathers have told us, what deeds you performed in their days, in the days of old:
2 you with your own hand drove out the nations, but them you planted; you afflicted the peoples, but them you set free;
3 for not by their own sword did they win the land, nor did their own arm save them, but your right hand and your arm, and the light of your face, for you delighted in them.
4 You are my King, O God; ordain salvation for Jacob!
5 Through you we push down our foes; through your name we tread down those who rise up against us.
6 For not in my bow do I trust, nor can my sword save me. 
7 But you have saved us from our foes and have put to shame those who hate us.
8 In God we have boasted continually, and we will give thanks to your name forever. Selah
(Psalm 44:1-8 ESV)

Blessings and Victories

These first eight verses of Psalm 44 report what some believers expect our lives to look like. Popular Christian culture would describe this as a blessed life of victory. Many of us have experienced seasons like this.

Is life as a follower of Jesus supposed to be easy and fruitful? Can I expect to live my best and most fulfilling life if I am obediently following Jesus?

A Change in Season

The next section of Psalm 44 expresses the reality of our human experience in a broken world on this side of Heaven.

9 But you have rejected us and disgraced us and have not gone out with our armies.
10 You have made us turn back from the foe, and those who hate us have gotten spoil.
11 You have made us like sheep for slaughter and have scattered us among the nations.
12 You have sold your people for a trifle, demanding no high price for them.
13 You have made us the taunt of our neighbors, the derision and scorn of those around us.
14 You have made us a byword among the nations, a laughingstock among the peoples.
(Psalm 44:9-14 ESV)

Did God fail me?

This question weighs heavily on our hearts and minds. Do you ever feel rejected and disgraced by God? Have you ever felt that others must wonder how you can believe in a loving God when experiencing terrible things?

 

Loss and Disappointment

The very same believers who experienced all the victory in the first eight verses are now witnessing loss and disappointment. Has God abandoned them? Has He targeted them for vengeance? Their identity has changed from mighty warriors to sheep to the slaughter in a few verses. They have moved from victors to victims.

15 All day long my disgrace is before me, and shame has covered my face
16 at the sound of the taunter and reviler, at the sight of the enemy and the avenger.
(Psalm 44:15-16 ESV)

In these moments of great anguish, when we might feel near our breaking point, the enemy of our soul seizes the opportunity to layer on taunts and accusations.

When the weight of shame crushes our souls, a nagging question follows. Why did this happen to me or my loved one? Shame threatens to suffocate our souls because we begin believing we did something to deserve this. There is something flawed deep down inside us. This a lie from the pit.

While the consequences of our actions take their toll on our lives, our world is full of painful things that happen for no apparent reason that we can discern. We may never know why a loved one died, a child experienced abuse, or someone we love suffers. Everything does not happen for a reason. For years, I held tight to that lie. Believing that I could make sense of suffering, and sometimes you just can’t.

 

A Season of Loss

In 2010, just as our oldest daughter graduated from high school, my husband and I lost our dream jobs. In a painful process of betrayal and separation, we also lost many relationships. Sometimes breaking up a business partnership can look like an ugly divorce, with rumors and false accusations. When assets get divided, no one particularly wins. So much time and energy got wasted in battles over fairness and justice. My husband even had to give up working in his field of expertise for five years to fulfill specific legal requirements.

At a time when we might have been focused on celebrating our daughter’s accomplishments, we counted our losses and reeled from betrayal.

Years later, I can see how the Lord used this season to re-align our priorities.  You have much space left in your life and schedule when you lose so much. We needed time to grieve and heal, and we did. We would, however, never get back exactly what we lost or anything close to it. We lost a great deal, but we both gained resilience and deep knowledge of the ongoing process of forgiveness. I used to think that forgiveness was a “one-and-done operation.” However, a deep and layered betrayal will require an ongoing effort to forgive and forget.

Did we do something to cause our season of loss and pain? No

Did God teach, guide, and provide for us in this season? Yes

Are we sometimes still blindsided by reminders of this loss? Yes

Prayer

Lord, we pray that we will be known as people who boast continually in God, and we give thanks to His name forever, in the seasons of blessings and in the seasons of loss. Help us to seek You first for our healing and restoration. Give us grace for the ongoing journey of forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For a deeper dive into this topic, check out this book:

“Everything Happens for a Reason: and Other Lies I’ve Loved” by Kate Bowler.

Making Room for Repentance

/ Anthea Kotlan / 5 Comments

Psalm 38 offers a liturgy of lament for when it all goes wrong, and the sin is mine.

Those times when I realize I am the one who said or did something causing damage or disappointment to someone else. While I can pull out some handy well-worn excuses, the reality of my sin blares like a stuck car horn on a quiet Saturday morning parked right by the house. The sound of that horn and the implication of what I have done sincerely disturb me.

I would much prefer to skip suffering and leapfrog over lament, but stuffing away guilt and remorse will only lead to more and more damage. Like the psalmist, I require God’s mercy. I need to make room for repentance.

1O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger, nor discipline me in your wrath!
2 For your arrows have sunk into me, and your hand has come down on me.
3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of your indignation; there is no health in my bones because of my sin.
(Psalm 38:1-2 ESV)

Unrepentant Sin leads to Structural Damage

The longer it remains buried under the surface, the more damage it will do to my entire being. I was not designed to carry sin. The weight of carrying it around is too much.

4 For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.
5 My wounds stink and fester because of my foolishness,
6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate; all the day I go about mourning.
7 For my sides are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh.
(Psalm 38:4-7 ESV)

Unrepentant Sin’s Damage Quietly Grows under the Surface

When a wound is not cleaned and cleared out, it may fester and cause a noxious odor.

A few months ago, after clearing out a storage unit for a family member, a tiny scratch or abrasion allowed an infection to enter my wrist. Slowly but surely, a hot red patch of skin expanded. I was busy and tried to ignore it. It was painful, but an injury to my hand caused me to miss the signs of a growing infection. I attributed the throbbing pain to a previous sprain. I tried pain patches, hydrocortisone cream, and ice packs, but things only worsened.

Finally, a friend expressed concern and encouraged me to have my doctor take a look. She examined my arm and immediately left the room to fetch an associate to review her findings. Moments later, I was sent to the pharmacy to fill a prescription for a potent antibiotic.

8 I am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart.
9 O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
11 My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off.
(Psalm 38:8-11 ESV)

Unrepentant Sin Leads to Isolation

God designed me to live in a community with others in mutually beneficial relationships. Unrepentant sin causes me to pull away and hide at a time when I am in the greatest need of support. Sooner or later, I need others to pray for me, encourage me, and offer advice or perspective. Life is hard. Traveling solo leaves me in a spiritual echo chamber.

12 Those who seek my life lay their snares; those who seek my hurt speak of ruin and meditate treachery all day long.
13 But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear, like a mute man who does not open his mouth.
14 I have become like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes.
(Psalm 38:12-14 ESV)

Unrepentant sin disorientates me and takes my voice

Sound helps orient me on my faith journey. Hearing God’s word daily keeps me on track. Listening to praise and worship music fills me with hope. Sin dulls my appetite for God’s word and leads me to seek escapism in my media choices.  

Unrepentant sin comes between the Holy Spirit and me. I can no longer hear the still, small voice of guidance. Also, I lose my voice when I am not receiving regular replenishment from this promised helper. Doubts crowd my mind. The voice of the accuser is amplified. I get stuck and silent.

Prayer

Lord, I need Your mercy to cleanse me of the things done and left undone that have wronged others and failed You. Order my life in a way that leaves room for regular repentance. Please help me to acknowledge my sins. Send a fresh wave of your Holy Spirit to examine me. Help me repent of every sin and keep me from denial. I pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, and I wait for your reply. Amen

How Can I Avoid Suffering and Other Lies I Have Chosen to Believe – Psalm 34:15-22

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

If I am being honest, I love a good checklist. A clear path lined out for me, revealing what was right to do and what to avoid. I want to know deep in my soul that if I get the boxes checked off in proper order and complete all items before the deadline, all will go well and be pleasant. I would also like this to be true for those I love.

However, it is a lie. One I have loved and circled back to my whole life. It is the worst kind of a lie because it is antithetical to the Gospel. It places a good outcome within my reach if I only tried harder and got everything done correctly. When a negative situation arrives, like an unwelcome houseguest, it sends me searching to find out who is to blame. Who didn’t check all those boxes or complete the necessary steps? Was a deadline missed?

Assigning Blame

Assigning blame creates comfortable distance and an element of perceived control. If I forget to pay the electric bill, it makes sense that my electricity will be cut-off. It is no longer random. It is within my control to prevent that negative outcome from happening again.

This is the life that I want. The one where I can exert control over all outcomes and carefully sidestep suffering or affliction for me and those I love. But that kind of life is an illusion.

When suffering and affliction arrive and unpack a suitcase in my guest room intending to stay long term, and eviction is beyond my power, what can I do?  

How can I remain fully present when suffering and affliction keep company with those I love?

In this final section of Psalm 34:15-22, David reminds me to remember what is true about the LORD.

15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous, and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
(Psalm 34:15-16 ESV)

The Lord’s Presence

The LORD sees and hears our suffering. He does not turn away or become weary of hearing our cries.

Because the LORD is fully present in suffering situations, He can help me do this too. He is there with my loved one in the hospital, in surgery, in a counseling session, and in all of the places of brokenness and isolation.

I am not required to solve the problem and/or offer endless advice to fill the awkward spaces between me and those I love who are suffering. Being willing to offer the ministry of presence is enough and very likely infinitely more helpful than my own handy solutions.

The LORD also knows about those who choose to do evil, and He is bringing justice. The LORD carries the burden of bringing justice to wrongdoers. In the middle of suffering, I don’t have to assign blame or seek out the wrongdoers. This burden of justice is not mine to carry.  

17 When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
(Psalm 34:17-18 ESV)

Verses 17 and 18 remind me that the Lord hears my cries and delivers me out of my troubles. The LORD promises to be near the brokenhearted and the crushed in spirit. Grief and suffering will come my way.

What do I deserve?

The prosperity gospel has permeated so much of Christian culture. A sense of entitlement has settled in and become part of daily life. I am encouraged to believe I deserve my best life now, but I don’t.

Suffering in this life is not a matter of if; it is a matter of when. I will have my heart broken and my spirit crushed in this troubled world. When I do, the LORD promises to be near to me. He promises His comforting presence, not an escape.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
21 Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
(Psalm 34:19-21 ESV)

What does deliverance look like?

The righteous will be delivered, but it might look different from what I expect. Perhaps deliverance looks more like a delay in my schedule because God doesn’t want me to miss out on something He has been keeping for me till I am ready. Or deliverance might be the loss of something I loved because the LORD knows what I need and loves me too much to let me keep something that will damage me.

While there will be deliverance for the righteous, there will also be many afflictions. Sometimes that seems more than I can bear because it is. I will continue to need the LORD to carry me through.

22 The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.
(Psalm 34:22 ESV)

The promise of redemption works as a life jacket and gives me hope. I may find myself on the open sea, in a small boat, in the middle of a large storm, yet He renews, redeems, and provides refuge by holding me tight.

A Prayer for a Sufferer

Lord, when a season of suffering and affliction weighs me down, help me to seek you and your refuge first. Help me avoid the trap of assigning blame. Help me to be willing to sit in my own suffering or to sit with those who need me to be willing to show up and keep company with them. Still my tongue from offering advice, when it is merely designed to fill the awkward space. Help me to see the ways you are offering me deliverance, even when it is not what I expect. Thank you that you are near and hear my cries. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

What Am I Called to Share? Psalm 22:22-31

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

I spent Sunday afternoon and evening in an emergency room with an elderly family member. God showed up in the kindness of pre-warmed sheets, wrapping us in care. As the hours inched passed, all reports and test results provided much-needed reassurance. Finally, long after sundown, the doctor graciously wrote prescriptions to relieve the most troubling symptoms. We left grateful and giving thanks for a good outcome but worn out in the waiting.

Keeping company with affliction wears heavy on the mind, body, and soul.

Psalm 22 takes the reader on a journey from the opening lines of anguish and isolation on the cross to this final section (verses 22-31) of hope-filled praise in the assembly with the family of believers. Worship and testimonies overflow and alter the atmosphere. However, the Lord still acknowledges suffering, and He never turns away from the afflicted.

22 I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:
23 You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him, and stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he had not hidden his face from him but has heard when he cried to him. 
(Psalm 22:22-24 ESV)

Testimonies

We are called to share our stories of God’s faithfulness. These stories must be communicated in spaces and places where believers can encourage one another. Our testimonies bring glory to God. Just as suffering can way us down, sharing praise reports in the assembly uplifts us. The examples of God’s faithfulness lift us onto our feet, and our hands are raised to praise Him.

Affliction

Even as we are joining together to give God praise, He reminds us about how He does not turn away from our suffering. Verse 24 says that God hears us, God sees us, and He does not turn away from our affliction. Because God does not turn away from our suffering, we must also be willing to keep company with the afflicted. This call to action cannot be accomplished in our strength. We can draw near to some of the most challenging situations by asking the Holy Spirit to strengthen us. In a society that so often refuses to see, hear or acknowledge suffering, believers have a sacred obligation to be fully present with suffering and the affliction of those He calls us to love.

Keeping company with the afflicted causes us to face our weaknesses and our inability to fix things. No amount of positive thinking or affirmations can create adequate relief when our loved ones are suffering or if we are afflicted.

Who is God calling me to keep the company in a season of suffering?

25 From you comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will perform before those who fear him.
26 The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the LORD! May your hearts live forever!
(Psalm 22:25-26 ESV)

Praise

Verse 25 points to how our praise comes from God and is turned back to Him. We respond to God with praise and thanksgiving because He is the giver of all we have.  

Is it possible that the “great congregation,” verse 25 mentions, refers to the ultimate praise party we all will gather together for when Jesus returns to rule the earth? I believe the Lord kindly gives us previews of this ultimate praise party every time we gather with fellow believers for prayer and praise.

Verse 26 promises that those suffering and afflicted will experience future healing, nurturing, and satisfaction. There will be no lack in the new heaven and new earth.

27 All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations shall worship before you.
28 For kingship belongs to the LORD, and he rules over the nations.
29All the prosperous of the earth eat and worship; before him shall bow all who go down to the dust, even the one who could not keep himself alive.
(Psalm 22:27-29 ESV)

Every Tribe and Every Nation

All the families of the nations shall worship –every knee shall bow and worship King Jesus. God has called us to go to the ends of the earth to tell every tribe and nation of the good news of Jesus Christ. In the next fifteen years, Bible translation organizations worldwide are joining forces to translate the Bible into every language. People must hear the gospel in their mother tongue to know Jesus cares for them.

Verse 28 reminds us that, “Kingship belongs to the LORD.” He rules and has authority in my life and over the nations. Whether every tribe and nation acknowledge Him or not, He still rules. I know I need that reminder. Every single day the news trumpets all the chaos of this world. A steady diet of those headlines could lead us to give up hope. So how do we counter that?

For every minute spent watching the news, can I spend an equal amount reading my Bible?

30 Posterity shall serve him; it shall be told of the Lord to the coming generation;
31 they shall come and proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn,
    that he has done it.
(Psalm 22:30-31 ESV)

Stories To Be Told

The final verses of Psalm 22 proclaim the privilege we have. We will be honored to tell babies about what the Lord has done. My stories will be passed down from one generation to another. Ask the Lord about this “next generation.” How can you love them well? Who are the young women with young children God has placed around you? Do you have grandchildren to share stories with? Do you have nieces or nephews? Or grandnieces or nephews? Do you have neighbors with little ones? Has the Lord sent little ones who need to be loved well to your church?

What stories can you share of God’s faithfulness today? Who has God placed in your path? Who is in your sphere of influence?

He has done it….

Finally, the Lord reminds us that, “He has done it.”  

This psalm begins in the depth of despair and ends with a powerful reminder.

Are you talking about what the Lord has done?

Prayer

Lord, thank you that you have done it. You have done it all. Thank you that even when I don’t feel it, you rule. Send your Holy Spirit to help me tell others about you and be present in suffering with those I love. Thank you for the sacred calling of sharing both stories of goodness and Your grace in times of affliction. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

How do I sit with suffering? Psalm 22

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

How does the world respond to suffering?

We medicate it.

We dismiss it.

We deny it.

We try to explain it away.

We even blame the victim sometimes.

Jesus has a different way of sitting with suffering.

Psalm 22 invites believers to sit at the foot of the cross with Jesus and bear witness to many aspects of His suffering. Each verse takes the reader deeper into His pain and isolation.

When I come so close to suffering, if I am being honest, I want to look away, fix it, or find a way to stop it. To lean in and be fully present with someone we love experiencing a storm of suffering is agony. I want to take three steps back and create some comfortable distance.

My heart and mind feel desperate to escape. It feels far too much for me to handle.

Jesus warned us about this.

33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
(John 16:33 ESV)

How does Jesus model “taking heart” while suffering?

He cries out to God.

He prays scripture aloud.

He speaks truthfully about His suffering.

He surrenders to God’s will on repeat.

He continues to look for His rescue.

Last week on the blog, I looked at the first part of Psalm 22 through the lens of Queen Esther. I examined the pain and isolation she must have felt when faced with an almost impossible decision to risk her life to save her people.

Where do I find God in a desperate situation? Psalm 22

Another way to look at Psalm 22 is to see it as a prophecy about Jesus’ death on the cross.

Psalm 22 fulfills many prophecies about the Messiah

Jesus quotes Psalm 22 from the cross.

Those who stood by watching would have recognized the text immediately. The bits and pieces of the text He shared would have brought the entire Psalm to their minds.

Psalm 22 begins with a haunting line,

1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.
(Psalm 22:1-2 ESV)

Jesus cries out to God

 

These words highlight the scene of Jesus hanging on the cross surrounded by a hostile crowd and knowing His death is near. His ordeal has included beatings, humiliation, and a barrage of accusations. He has willingly submitted Himself to this torture, motivated by a fierce and sacrificial love for each of us.

He prays scripture aloud

6 But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me; they make mouths at me; they wag their heads;
8 “He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”
(Psalm 22:6-8 ESV)

Here Jesus describes the utter humiliation of being displayed before a crowd as an example of failure. In verse 8, Jesus even quotes some of the harshest things that were said as the crowd mocked Him for His belief in God. However, Jesus continues to cling fiercely and audibly to His belief.

He speaks truthfully about His suffering

9 Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother's breasts.
10 On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother's womb you have been my God.
11 Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help.
(Psalm 22:9-11 ESV)

Jesus responds to the mocking of His belief in God by recounting his birth on Earth, from Mary’s womb, and His utter reliance on God. He expresses the agony of the impending but brief separation He is about to experience. He and God have always walked hand in hand, but now He faces a moment of separation as He can see His death is imminent.

12 Many bulls encompass me; strong bulls of Bashan surround me;
13 they open wide their mouths at me, like a ravening and roaring lion.
(Psalm 22:12-13 ESV)

Jesus speaks honestly about how desperate a state He is in. When He could have escaped this agony, He remained inside the suffering storm.

He surrenders to God’s will on repeat

14 I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax;
    it is melted within my breast;
15 my strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death.
(Psalm 22:14-15 ESV)

Jesus surrenders again and again to the Lord’s will as He pours His strength out and becomes weak.

16 For dogs encompass me; a company of evildoers encircles me; they have pierced my hands and feet
(Psalm 22:16 ESV)

Jesus acknowledges His state of being. His honesty in the face of peril is real and raw.

17 I can count all my bones—they stare and gloat over me;
18 they divide my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.
(Psalm 22:17-18 ESV)

In this moment of being stripped naked on the cross, Jesus’ humiliation is on display. The authorities give Him no room for dignity. God allows us to glimpse the devastating force of our sin.

Even His clothing, the last earthly objects Jesus could call His own, became something to be won by casting lots. The soldiers were operating in utter certainty of his impending death.

He continues to look for His rescue

19 But you, O LORD, do not be far off! O you my help, come quickly to my aid!
20 Deliver my soul from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dog!
21 Save me from the mouth of the lion! You have rescued me from the horns of the wild oxen!
(Psalm 22:19-21 ESV)

Jesus cries aloud to the Lord before a watching crowd. Even in His desperation, He points to the only source of reliable help because He wants the world to know. Jesus had a direct line to His heavenly father, so speaking aloud would not have been necessary. And yet, He continues to narrate His journey so all will understand the destination He seeks. He wants to be near the Lord.

Sitting at the foot of the cross

Am I willing to lean in and be fully present with Jesus as He experiences a storm of suffering and agony in His final moments on the cross?

Take a few minutes today to ask Jesus what He wants you to know about this. In your own life, how do you respond to your suffering or the suffering of those you love? Are you willing to ask Him to show you how to sit with suffering?

Prayer

Jesus, what do you want me to know about suffering? Strengthen my soul to follow You, even in this. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Can I Be Rescued from the Quicksand of Anxiety? Psalm 40:11-17

/ Anthea Kotlan / Leave a comment

Quicksand appeared in more than one television show when I was a child in the 60s and 70s. It served as a frequent plot twist. Many a heroic figure found him or herself sinking deeper and deeper. Or sometimes, the hero would discover someone else descending into danger. Whichever scenario unfolded, there were often guidelines given.  

  • Do not struggle. Less you will sink further down and perish.  
  • Save your energy.  
  • Just relax. 

An entire generation of my peers trained in thinking through a plan of action to handle quicksand. However, decades later, when I fall into the quicksand of anxiety, all those plans go awry.  

Anxiety lays in wait 

Anxiety is stealthy and sneaky. I am moseying down the path of life when suddenly, a trigger opens up a pit of quicksand. I HAVE FALLEN before I know it, and I can’t get out. Time slows and speeds up in cycles as I try to escape. The “miry bog” (Psalm 40:2 ESV) encloses me, and I am overwhelmed.  

A well-meaning friend or family member stands on the firm ground calling out helpful tips and questions.

  • “Keep your head up, now. It’s not that bad.” 
  • “Don’t struggle. You will only make it worse.”  
  • “Why did you go this way? Why weren’t you looking out for the pit?” 
  • “Your life is so awesome. How could you struggle?”  

Anxiety puts the nervous system into fight or flight mode. As the heart rate increases, the mind becomes scrambled and unfocused. Panic descends. The next step beyond this point might be a place of becoming despondent and losing all hope – a pit perspective.  

Psalm 40  

In the second half of Psalm 40, the psalmist seems to cycle back into a desperate need for God’s mercy in the bottom of a pit. (See this link for the first half of Psalm 40 post. https://antheakotlan.com/2022/05/11/have-you-ever-fallen-into-a-pit/ 

11 As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!  
Psalm 40:11 ESV

The psalmist speaks truth over his dire situation. He loudly declares the truth about God’s mercy, steadfast love, and faithfulness. Speaking truth over my times in the pit of anxiety can help me regain a healthier perspective. However, sometimes the cycle is tough to break.  

12 For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see;  
they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.  
Psalm 40:12 ESV

Like me, no sooner did the psalmist get a foothold than he falls back down into the despair of feeling surrounded by external evil and his failings. He says, and I have often felt, “I cannot see…” But unfortunately, the view from the bottom of the pit of anxiety is minimal. The quicksand has sucked me down, and there appears to be no way out.  

A “try harder response,” something I relied on for years, fails amid the quicksand of anxiety. But struggling against it does suck me down further and further.  

13 Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me! O Lord, make haste to help me!  
Psalm 40:13 ESV

Like the psalmist, I cry out to God at my lowest points. I beg for deliverance and demand it be on my timeline. Panic drives desperation to the point of frenzy. The idea of telling the Lord of the universe to rescue me and be quick about it seems absurd in the cold light of day. But in the pit of anxiety, I can’t see any way I can survive even a few more minutes. Desperation washes over me in a cold sweat.  
 

14 Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether who seek to snatch away my life; let those be turned back and brought to dishonor who delight in my hurt!  

15 Let those be appalled because of their shame who say to me, "Aha, Aha!"

Just when it cannot seem to get any worse, it might. The well-meaning passerby suggests I need to try some essential oils or a great new supplement. While, unlike the psalmist, I may not be looking for revenge, I do wish those helpful suggester types would be willing to sit with suffering sometimes. Could you just take a beat oh helpful one?  

Here’s the awkward truth. How often have I been the one standing on the firm ground calling out to a quicksand victim? “Have you tried focusing on the positive? How about a little song?”  

How does God call me to sit with suffering when my loved ones strugggle?

Perhaps, I should be quicker to pray and slower to offer advice? Perhaps be willing to practice being fully present and allowing someone in her time of crisis to feel seen and heard?  

16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the Lord!"   
Psalm 40:16 ESV

Rejoicing while visiting the pit is not my usual reaction. I prefer a lament. I believe there is time for that too. (Follow this link to learn more about the spiritual discipline of lament. https://antheakotlan.com/2022/02/23/leaving-and-lament/

The psalmist suggests an offering of rejoicing. Somehow this rejoicing could be even more potent if done corporately. Sometimes I need someone else to begin the chorus of rejoicing before I can.  

Rejoice in God’s Greatness  

Who can rejoice? Those who have all the answers? Those who feel like it? Those who aren’t caught up in the quicksand of anxiety? The psalmist in verse 16 reminds me how those who seek God rejoice and be glad. Not because of where they are you are or what they have, but because of who we belong to. Because of the salvation the Lord has provided, I can rejoice. He is excellent, even when I fail, even when I fall, even when I can’t see it.  

17 As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!  (Psalm 40:17 ESV)

Finally, Verse 17 reminds me that while I am poor and needy, I am also thought of by God. The God of the entire universe thinks of me. He also thinks of you. He is even willing to help and deliver us. Like the psalmist, I love asking the Lord to hurry up and not delay. Waiting does not come naturally to me. People, we have a schedule to maintain.  

God’s Rescue  

However, God’s timing is perfect. His rescue will be right on time. Perhaps He never intended for me to pull myself out of the pit? While our culture calls us to consider such techniques, departing from the pit cannot be done alone. If only I could wait for the Lord to place my feet on the rock. He will make my steps so much more secure than I could with all of my efforts (Psalm 40:2 &3). His loving-kindness and mercy will indeed cause me to sing a new song.  

Prayer 

Dear Lord, 

When I am in the pit of anxiety let me cry out to you. You are never bothered by me, but You delight in hearing from your daughter. Thank you for thinking of me and rescuing me in your perfect timing. While I wait, I will trust Your timing. I will give thanks in advance for the future solid rock location I will occupy soon. I will choose to rejoice. I will deeply breathe in the truth I find in your word. I will exhale the doubts and the frustrations. In Jesus’ name. Amen